Free Finger Lickin' Dead by Riley Adams Page B
Authors: Riley Adams
wouldn’t be working here long if we spilled all the secrets we heard every day.”
“And we hear some doozies,” said a blond girl as she applied lotion to Lulu’s hands and forearms.
“They know I wouldn’t hurt a fly,” said Evelyn. “Of course, Adam was worse than a fly. He needed to be stomped. But I didn’t do it.”
The Greek chorus of manicurists echoed Evelyn’s opinion of Adam.
“So you went over to his house and just started wrecking it?” asked Lulu.
Flo said in a voice of hushed admiration, “Boy, oh boy!”
“I surely did. Well, I started out really normal, right? I knocked on his door, rang his doorbell. I was just as polite as you can imagine. I have my manners and breeding you know. But then he didn’t answer. No breaking in was necessary because I had my key still. So I just let myself in,” said Evelyn.
“One of the things that just bugged me to pieces about Adam was his obsession with neatness. Now, I’m neat , but I don’t have to have my pantry stacked up just so and my rugs lined up just right. I don’t need everything in my refrigerator to be lined up with the labels facing the front. Just open the door and shove it in, is what I say.” Evelyn frowned in impatience at even the memory.
“Amen!” said one of the Greek chorus girls.
“When we were married, he used to fuss at Tommie for not nesting the pots and pans just so in the cabinet.”
“The gall!” said Lulu, thinking protectively of her own kitchen. “The kitchen should be set up the way the cook wants it.”
“Exactly! So Tommie set him straight on that one. There was no way she was going to have some man coming in and messing with her kitchen. Anyway, so I was remembering the way he was and looking at all his obsessive-compulsive neatness. All the perfection. All the alphabetizing of the spice cabinet. And suddenly, the devil got into me. I yanked at his desk drawers, threw papers out, willy-nilly. I took his throw rugs and crumpled them up—I knew that would drive him up the wall.”
Lulu beamed her admiration at Evelyn. “Good for you! I’m glad you didn’t let him get you down.” She was hoping this tale was going to end with Evelyn’s little fit of vandalism and not end up taking a detour down the winding trail of murder.
“My favorite part? Since he’s such a foodie, I figured I’d ruin whatever he had in that fridge of his. So I pulled out his soy sauce bottle and shook it over everything in his fridge! His mayo, salads, mustards, even in his milk and cheeses. It was so funny.”
Flo said, “What made you finally put on the brakes? I’d think that once you got started vandalizing somebody’s house that it would be hard to stop.”
Evelyn got this misty look on her face. “Girls, it was actually my experience with Alpha Delta Pi that stopped me. They had all this leadership training at the University of Alabama. And I thought about that.” She choked up for a second and put a hand to her throat. “They always said to be strong. They wanted us to be strong women always and to never lower ourselves to be common. I thought I was borderline on ‘common,’ so I stopped sloshing the food around. I’d made my point.
“But I did have one other thing to do. I decided to change his answering machine message and make it just as snarky as all his restaurant reviews. So I got on there and said, “Adam can’t come to the phone right now. He’s busy writing nasty reviews for the paper under his Eppie Currian pen name. Got a restaurant? Want to send some hate mail? Here’s Adam’s address. . . .” Evelyn still looked pleased with herself.
Lulu said, “Well, honey, that was right ingenious of you. But did you have to get your revenge on the very day the man was murdered?”
“I don’t know anything about that. Well, I did know he was murdered, because after I left his condo I went down to the river for a few minutes to catch my breath. You wouldn’t believe how much energy goes into
“And we hear some doozies,” said a blond girl as she applied lotion to Lulu’s hands and forearms.
“They know I wouldn’t hurt a fly,” said Evelyn. “Of course, Adam was worse than a fly. He needed to be stomped. But I didn’t do it.”
The Greek chorus of manicurists echoed Evelyn’s opinion of Adam.
“So you went over to his house and just started wrecking it?” asked Lulu.
Flo said in a voice of hushed admiration, “Boy, oh boy!”
“I surely did. Well, I started out really normal, right? I knocked on his door, rang his doorbell. I was just as polite as you can imagine. I have my manners and breeding you know. But then he didn’t answer. No breaking in was necessary because I had my key still. So I just let myself in,” said Evelyn.
“One of the things that just bugged me to pieces about Adam was his obsession with neatness. Now, I’m neat , but I don’t have to have my pantry stacked up just so and my rugs lined up just right. I don’t need everything in my refrigerator to be lined up with the labels facing the front. Just open the door and shove it in, is what I say.” Evelyn frowned in impatience at even the memory.
“Amen!” said one of the Greek chorus girls.
“When we were married, he used to fuss at Tommie for not nesting the pots and pans just so in the cabinet.”
“The gall!” said Lulu, thinking protectively of her own kitchen. “The kitchen should be set up the way the cook wants it.”
“Exactly! So Tommie set him straight on that one. There was no way she was going to have some man coming in and messing with her kitchen. Anyway, so I was remembering the way he was and looking at all his obsessive-compulsive neatness. All the perfection. All the alphabetizing of the spice cabinet. And suddenly, the devil got into me. I yanked at his desk drawers, threw papers out, willy-nilly. I took his throw rugs and crumpled them up—I knew that would drive him up the wall.”
Lulu beamed her admiration at Evelyn. “Good for you! I’m glad you didn’t let him get you down.” She was hoping this tale was going to end with Evelyn’s little fit of vandalism and not end up taking a detour down the winding trail of murder.
“My favorite part? Since he’s such a foodie, I figured I’d ruin whatever he had in that fridge of his. So I pulled out his soy sauce bottle and shook it over everything in his fridge! His mayo, salads, mustards, even in his milk and cheeses. It was so funny.”
Flo said, “What made you finally put on the brakes? I’d think that once you got started vandalizing somebody’s house that it would be hard to stop.”
Evelyn got this misty look on her face. “Girls, it was actually my experience with Alpha Delta Pi that stopped me. They had all this leadership training at the University of Alabama. And I thought about that.” She choked up for a second and put a hand to her throat. “They always said to be strong. They wanted us to be strong women always and to never lower ourselves to be common. I thought I was borderline on ‘common,’ so I stopped sloshing the food around. I’d made my point.
“But I did have one other thing to do. I decided to change his answering machine message and make it just as snarky as all his restaurant reviews. So I got on there and said, “Adam can’t come to the phone right now. He’s busy writing nasty reviews for the paper under his Eppie Currian pen name. Got a restaurant? Want to send some hate mail? Here’s Adam’s address. . . .” Evelyn still looked pleased with herself.
Lulu said, “Well, honey, that was right ingenious of you. But did you have to get your revenge on the very day the man was murdered?”
“I don’t know anything about that. Well, I did know he was murdered, because after I left his condo I went down to the river for a few minutes to catch my breath. You wouldn’t believe how much energy goes into