Free The Mortal Groove by Ellen Hart Page A

violet. He was positive it was the reason he could walk through a firefight and not get shot, walk down a road laced with Bouncing Betties and not get his legs blown off. Lots of guys were superstitious. It was hard not to be. He still had the locket in a desk drawer, not that he ever looked at it anymore. It was too painful now. And besides, the magic was gone. She’d taken it with her when she died.
    â€œOkay,” said Randy. “I’ll get the money to you by tomorrow.”
    â€œYou gotta go to a bank?”
    â€œJust let me take care of it.”
    â€œWhatever you say, man.” He stretched his arms over his head. “I’m famished. Thought maybe I’d eat what was left of last night’s pizza.”
    â€œBad idea,” said Randy, glancing at the time. It was going on five. “Let me take you out. After what you did today, I owe you big. But I’d like to go running first. You’re welcome to come along.”
    â€œChrist, no,” said Larry, choking on the smoke as he let out a laugh. “I get all the exercise my lungs can handle just walkin’ around. Think I’ll just mosey on upstairs and help myself to abeer. Maybe do up last night’s dishes. Take your time. I’m happy to hang out.”
    Â 
    Ethan appeared in Randy’s bedroom doorway just as Randy was pulling on his sweatpants. He didn’t say anything, he just stood there, hands at his sides, looking morose.
    â€œWhat’s up?” asked Randy. He sat down on the bed to put on his running shoes.
    â€œI heard you and Larry downstairs. You were talking about Sue.”
    Randy stopped tying his shoelace and looked up. “It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
    â€œWhy’d you say her name?”
    â€œWe were just talking.”
    â€œSomething’s going on. Why’s Larry here? I don’t want it to be about Sue.”
    â€œIt’s not. He just came to Minnesota for a little vacation.”
    â€œI loved her.”
    â€œI know you did.”
    â€œI didn’t hurt her, did I?”
    â€œNo, of course not.”
    â€œBut those people . . . they all said I did.” He began to rock from side to side.
    â€œYou didn’t,” said Randy. “We’ve been through this a million times.”
    â€œBut I can’t
remember,”
said Ethan, his voice deep yet soft.
    â€œCome in here. Sit down on the bed with me.”
    â€œNo.”
    Randy could tell his brother was starting to cry. “Ethan, you didn’t do anything wrong. You have to trust me.”
    â€œBut why can’t I
remember?”
    â€œYou had too much to drink. You blacked out.”
    â€œI drank, yeah. I was scared.”
    â€œScared of what?”
    Ethan shook his head.
    â€œSue’s in heaven now. You don’t have to worry anymore.”
    â€œIs she with Mom?” he said, wiping a hand across his eyes.
    â€œYes, Ethan, she’s with Mom and Dad. They’re taking good care of her.”
    â€œBut I was supposed to do that! You told me to take care of her when you left to go be a soldier.”
    Randy regretted ever saying those words. “You did take care of her.”
    â€œNot the way you wanted. I screwed up. More than you know.”
    â€œYou always say that, but you
didn’t,
Ethan.”
    â€œYou don’t know. You don’t understand. I’d never hurt her, Randy.”
    Randy put his head down and tried to breathe through the pain. “I know, Ethan. All you did was help her.”
    Ethan stood in the doorway a moment more, then turned and walked away.
    Â 
    Randy ran full out for well over a mile. He didn’t want to think, he just wanted to sink into the sensations of his body, exhaust himself until nothing mattered but the next breath. And yet no matter how fast and how far he went, he couldn’t run away from himself. Stopping finally, he bent over and rested his hands on his knees, then