Free Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction by Amy Metz Page B

directing her in, but seeing the two old men sitting at their regular perches at the counter made her smile. She realized it was the first time she’d smiled all day.
    “ Afternoon, Jackson,” Clive said.
    “ Afternoon, boys. How’re you two fine gentlemen doin’ today?”
    “ Hangin’ in 'ere like a hair in a biscuit,” Earl said.
    “ Yeah, but he’s about as useful as a pogo stick in quicksand,” Clive stage-whispered to Jack.
    “ Gentlemen, have you met Tess yet?”
    “ We’ve howdied . . . “ Clive started to say.
    “ But we ain’t shook yet.” Tess beat him to the punch.
    “ Clive Pierce, Earl Hicks, I’d like to present Ms. Tess Tremaine. Ms. Tess, this here’s Clive and this is Earl.” Jack motioned to each man as they were introduced. Tess noticed Earl didn’t have one tooth in his whole head.
    “ Well ain’t she a dandy!” Earl said with a toothless smile.
    “ Down boy.” Jack playfully pushed down on the man’s shoulder. “You’re too old for her.”
    “ Yeah, well . . . you wait—one day soon 'at gal is gonna drop you like a hot potato, and I’ll be righcheer waitin’,” Earl said, pointing his finger at Jack. Jack laughed and led Tess to a booth.
    “ Jack, do those men think we’re seeing one another?”
    “ Prob’ly.” Jack grinned.
    “ But we’re not!”
    Jack started patting himself all over, from his head, down his torso, saying, “I am visible, aren’t I? I mean, you can see me, right? And I can see you . . . “ Tess rolled her eyes, shook her head, and directed her attention to the chalkboard menu at the front of the diner.
    Junebug arrived at the table, and with her hands on her hips she looked down at Jack. “Well lookie at what the cat dun drug in.”
    “ Hey Junie! That’s no way to talk to our newest resident,” Jack teased.
    “ I was referrin’ ta yew ,” Junebug said, smiling. “Hidy, Tess, hireyew?” She moved her smile over to Tess.
    Tess looked at Jack questioningly and he mouthed, “How are you.”
    “ Oh!” Tess laughed, “I’m fine, June . . . bug . . . how are you?”
    “ Right as rain and twice as nice,” she joked. “And you, Jack?”
    “ So hungry I could eat a stink bug off a dead skunk.”
    “ Sorry, we’re fresh outta that t’day. What else can I gitcha?”
    “ I think I’ll just have a salad with ranch dressing and sweet tea, please,” Tess said.
    “ And I’ll have a hamburger with lettuce, ‘mater and onion, and a Dr. Pepper, please, pretty lady.” Jack had suddenly started speaking in his exaggerated southern drawl.
    “ Watch him,” Junebug said to Tess, pushing her pencil into her hair behind her ear and pointing at Jack. “When he puts on that southern accent, he’s up ta no good!”
    She headed off toward the kitchen hollering, “Burn one, take it through the garden and pin a rose on it! Cow feed! I need an MD and a tea with high octane.”
    “ You’ll get used to it.” Jack smiled at her.
    “ I think it’s great. I may not always understand it, but I think it’s great.” She tried to act natural, but she was wound tighter than a dime store clock. She felt like every nerve in her body was buzzing.
    Jack noticed. “Hey, are you okay?”
    They locked eyes for a moment, and she looked away first, taking in a deep breath. “I’ve never had a break-in and now I’ve had two in one week. Someone’s been in my house , Jack. And once while I was in it. I’m terrified.”
    Junebug came back to the table with their drinks. She saw the worried look on Tess’s face. “You all right, sugar plum?”
    Tess nodded and took a sip of her tea, and Junebug left to take an order at another table.
    “ And the really weird thing is, nothing is ever taken. Why would someone break in just to look around? What are they after?”
    “ I don’t know, Tess. It’s a strange occurrence in this town. Maybe they just wanted to gaze at your lovely face while you slept.”
    “ Jack, do you take anything seriously?”
    “