that had led her to that preference. No, today Ruth was talking.
“And it’s not that I don’t appreciate that my familye even has a job for me. It’s just that I don’t like doing that. And I’ve prayed, and I’ve asked Gott to make me happier doing what I must do. I ask him to make me patient in the quiet and I try and look at it as a test or my own way of serving. But it doesn’t seem right, does it?”
Katie tried to answer her, and say something, but the question was rhetorical, and Ruth had already moved on by the time Katie had opened her mouth to speak.
“Whatever I do, I’m left with knowing that this is my life. Forever. Once I start this, I don’t think I’ll stop. If I haven’t found a mann already, and I haven’t been trapped in a room all day, doing useful little things that make me meet no one, then how will I now?”
Again, Katie wanted to answer. She wanted to offer some encouragement. But Ruth had been holding this in, and saving it up all day, and couldn’t be stopped.
“And if I don’t ever meet someone who might love me, what then? I’ll be old. I’ll grow old with no familye of my own, and no bobbli and I’ll have come and gone and the only thing I’ll have given the world is some crafts that I’m not even very gut at.”
She paused, but Katie didn’t take the bait. She knew that as soon as she tried to say something, Ruth would only start again. And she was right.
“The worst of it is, that I don’t even know if things will be different if I don’t start working this way. I’ve gotten this far, alone, not being able to find anyone. What if, even if I change, it’s too late? What if by now, all the men who would have loved me have already found another woman? What if all the chances I could have had, I wasted by not looking for them? What then?”
Katie had a stalk of wheat in her hand, and she fiddled with it idly while she half listened to Ruth talk. When it was clear Ruth had finally concluded her little rant, she found she could finally speak.
“You’re not very much yourself today, Ruth,” she said.
Ruth wasn’t sure whether to be stung by this or not. “Well, so what if I’m not? What has being myself gotten me this far?”
Katie didn’t know what to answer. So she tried to change the subject. “I hear the barn raising for Leah and George Miller is almost finished. They have their haus all finished, just about. You could go to the final day, for the finishing ceremony, couldn’t you?”
Ruth nodded. “ Jah, I could go. But what gut will it do me if I go, and I’m just the same as always, and I only speak to you, or the other girls who say hello to me sometimes? Nothing will have changed.”
Katie sighed. She hadn’t meant for Ruth to circle back around this way.
“You know, Ruth, if you want my advice, you could be a little more positive. Positive and open. If you were a little more like that, you wouldn’t have to worry so much about finding a mann . One would have found you by now.”
Ruth knew Katie didn’t mean anything by this. She didn’t mean her words to be hurtful. She just said things sometimes like this when she was annoyed or upset. But it still stung Ruth a little bit. And she could see Katie realize that, and she could see that only grow her frustration with the conversation.
They were not yet half way through the walk they always made together. They had a good fair distance to go, and usually, they were happy to walk it together. They’d really only ever turned back early when one or the other of them was feeling unwell, or when the weather had taken a turn for the worse, and they found themselves both unable to continue.
But now, Katie stopped, and Ruth came to a stop a few steps ahead. There was a path here that would cut through to another path that would lead Katie back home, if she took it. Ruth put this all together in her head, and watched Katie put it together too.
“You know,” Katie said, “I think today
Lisa Mantchev, A.L. Purol