Free Innocent Little Crimes by C. S. Lakin Page A

featuring a
massive fountain in the center. A grotesque metal gargoyle spewed
water from its mouth, and imposing wings spanned halfway across the
room.
    “This is right out of King Arthur,”
Dick said . Amazing what you could do with
so much wealth .
    “Yeah,” Davis said, “except King Arthur
didn’t have stereo speakers.”
    “And electricity,” Millie added.
    Peter led them through the archaic entry to a
set of double French doors. He gestured them inside. “Please, help
yourself to food and drink. Lila left some DVDs to keep you
entertained. And just set your bags down anywhere. We’ll direct you
to the bedrooms later.”
    Peter disappeared through a crevice in one of
the castle walls. Della pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
    “Della, come on,” Cynthia motioned with her
hand. Dick followed them into the next room.
    “Now, this is more like it,” Davis said,
entering the living room. Plush white carpet, white, glossy walls.
A giant plasma screen, ultra-modern glass coffee and buffet tables
loaded with food and assorted bottles of liquor. Fine crystal and
china, silver service—everything meant to impress.
    And Dick was very impressed. He settled down
comfortably in an overstuffed recliner and reached for the remote
control.
    “Let’s see what Lila’s got on the tube.”
    Della went to the bar and poured herself a
glass of wine. Davis fixed Cynthia and himself martinis and relaxed
on the couch. Jonathan made himself a gin and tonic and positioned
his suitcase at his side.
    The DVD started to play. Lila lay on her
back, feet up, on a tenement stoop, dressed as a bag lady, with
teeth blackened out. Her excess weight bulged at the seams as she
did contortions with her body. Another “homeless woman” entered the
shot, babbling about how hungry she was. Lila told her to can it;
she was doing her morning “aerobics.”
    Dick laughed. “I saw this sketch. It’s a
riot.”
    “Shhh,” Davis said, settling into a leather
recliner and leaning toward the TV. Cynthia got up and wandered
around the room, looking at the odd assortment of modernistic
paintings and sculptures.
    “How can you watch this?” Cynthia said. Dick
sat close enough to hear her whisper. “I don’t understand how such
a tasteless show touting foul language could be so popular.” Davis
only chuckled in response.
    A light supper had been laid out for them
with cold cuts, imported cheeses, and caviar. Dick watched Millie
help herself to the generous spread of food. She stuffed a huge
slice of brie into her mouth and he scowled. He turned his
attention back to the screen. Just how had the shy Lila become so
cynical and rude? His own daughters whined when he refused to let
them watch her show. Luckily, it was on at nine o’clock, past their
bedtime.
    The room lights flickered on and off. Dick
assumed it was from thunder and lightning raging through the
window, but, instead, Lila made her grand entrance through the
French doors, dressed in a bright pink flowing gown and a pointed
headdress with cascading scarves. Her arms jingled with silver and
gold bracelets, but Dick’s eyes went directly to the massive
diamond and gold necklace that hung from her neck. Peter came in
behind her, clashing a pair of cymbals.
    Lila projected her trademark loud, raspy
voice. “Hello, class of ’90 and welcome to my humble abode!” She
yanked the remote from Dick’s hand and turned the TV off. “Is this
a reunion, or what? Can’t tell you how long I’ve been waiting to
get you guys together again.” Lila scurried from person to person,
bestowing air kisses and brief hugs, leaving everyone speechless.
Her effusiveness threw them off guard. Dick noticed Peter standing
in a corner, watching with amusement.
    “Oh, Millie. How unkind the years have been
to you, my fine feathered friend. You look altogether stuffed and
ready to serve. Now, as they say, you could fit into my shoes. And
my clothes, for that matter. Later, why don’t you take a tour
through