Free Three Scoops is a Blast! by Alex Carrick Page B

was a positive. Maintaining a sunny disposition even under adversity was also a winner, but Norman’s confidence was sinking regardless. That is, until he came across an item way down among the pluses he never expected to see. Incredibly, this might be his saving grace.
     
    ~~
     
    Much of what I have written so far is based on supposition. But I don’t think I’m far off the mark. I have good reason for drawing the conclusions I have come to. I knew Norman very well and I was there at his apotheosis. Let me explain. When Norman died, I had an especially tough time of it. A light had been turned off. Work was drudgery. Half a year later, when the Christmas season arrived, I chose to spend it in lonely isolation at my cottage on Georgian Bay.
     
    As the stroke of twelve approached on New Year’s Eve, I was drawn to the beach. I would mark the occasion with a glass of wine outdoors under the stars. The southern rim of Georgian Bay is a region where the waters of the great lakes congregate. It’s the base of a shoreline that sweeps from beachfront on the east to semi-mountainous terrain on the west. Like cupped hands with fingertips touching, it forms an upside-down fulcrum. The water usually doesn’t freeze until mid-January.
     
    At the midnight hour, to my astonishment, a spectral shape reached slowly out of the dark waters of the bay and stretched skywards. It gradually coalesced into the image of an escalator with a half-empty payload of shining wraiths working their way upwards. Backlighting from a full moon showed the grandstand from which these souls would be able to keep an eye on earth’s events.
     
    In relatively quick succession, a second escalator snaked downward into the inky void. This was the means of transportation for those on their way to a torturous eternity. I know what you’re thinking, that the second escalator was a reflection of the first. No, there were a great many more souls being transported on the second device and they were clearly in distress.
     
    Across the water on that frigid night, I heard what I didn’t think I would ever encounter again. It was the voice of an angel singing about heartbreak and tenderness. I recognized it immediately. More accurately, it was the intonation of two voices wrapped in one. Norman was doing his best impression ever. I can speak of this with authority, since I was his booking agent.
     
    The sound of that singing was moving upward. Salty tears encrusted my eyes until the serenade gradually faded away. I’m pretty sure I know what happened. I must surmise that “Elvis impersonator” is on God’s side of the ledger. And why would it not be? The music of The King has brought joy to millions. Commensurate with the pleasure it brings into people’s lives, its relative importance is immense.

 
    Catching Up on the Not So Local News
    (a.k.a. Burying Barry in Barrie)
     
    January 2, 2010
     
    Spoiler alert: This story is full of Canadian place names that may not be familiar to some or even many. Nevertheless, the fun of trying to weave together a tale from a multitude of disparate strands should come through. And yes, Virginia, there is a Victoria B.C. and a Brandon, Manitoba.
     
    North of the city and not that long ago, I eaves-dropped on the following conversation in a local diner.
     
    MAN: Do ya suppose it’s okay to bury Barry in Barrie?
     
    WOMAN: He wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
     
    MAN: Bad how he bought it, though.
     
    WOMAN: Yes, busting his back when he fell off his burro. He and that burro made a good team. They traveled all over northern Ontario.
     
    MAN: So I’ve heard. After a nip of the suds, the burro would sing. It was a legend in Sudbury and Nippissing.
     
    WOMAN: They didn’t always get along. He called it Scar after it bit him in Scarborough. They were both going after the same burrito.
     
    MAN: That’s what I was told too. Gary in Calgary gave me a call. People sure get around these days.
     
    WOMAN: That’s