Free accidental 09.5 - interview with an accidental by dakota cassidy Page B

gathering, I was out walking my toy poodle Muffin next to an alleyway in New York with my fellow, very reluctant cosmetics saleswomen, Nina and Wanda. Nina was, as always, complaining about how much she hated doing door-to-door sales, and I was distracted because I was just trying to keep Nina motivated to sell, sell, sell. Though, if you knew Nina, you’d know she always carries a pin with her. The one she uses to burst your bubble at regular intervals.”
    Nina: “Oh, bubble-schmubble, Miss Clairol number two-twenty-six. I just like to keep shit real. The reality was, I sucked at selling goop to chicks. You, on the other hand, woulda sold that crap to a dead broad in the morgue if you could sneak past the coroner.”
    Marty visibly grinds her teeth then puckers her lips while she attempts to keep from rising to Nina’s bait and I attempt to soothe her.
    Dakota: “Inhale, exhale, Marty. We can do this, just like we talked about. Go Team Accidental!”
    Marty takes a deep breath while Wanda uses her glove as a pom-pom to silently cheer on her bestie.
    Marty: “Anyway, there was the typical chaos, like always when the three of us are together, and while I was trying to inspire my reps, Muffin spotted another dog. Muff can be really territorial, and in one of her finer displays of fur and teeth, she attacked what we all thought was a very large dog.”
    Dakota: “Who wasn’t really a dog.”
    Marty laughs out loud. Of course, at the time there was a whole lot less laughter.
    Marty: “Exactly! We just thought he was another dog. Turns out, he wasn’t the biggest German shepherd we’d ever seen but an actual werewolf named Keegan. When I tried to detach Muffin from the alleged canine, because I really began to fear for the other dog’s life (Muffin can be such a beast. She’s sometimes referred to as Killer), I was accidentally nicked on the hand, and voila! Insta-werewolf. Jesus’s underpants, that was a batch of crazy, wasn’t it, Dakota? But long story short, I’m now happily married to that dog…er, werewolf. Who knew the beast in that alleyway would turn out to be the love of my life?”
    Marty giggles in her light, girlie way and smiles at the recollection, the highlights of her blonde hair shimmering under the dim lighting in my writing cave…Er, office.
    Dakota: “Well, I did, Marty. Because, you know, I wrote you?”
    Marty: “Right. Anyway, I’m Marty Flaherty, now very happily married to Keegan for seven years and we have a precocious daughter named Hollis. I now own Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics, thanks to my nutbag—”
    I press two fingers together in Marty’s direction, using the universal sign to zip it.
    Dakota: “Marty! Shhh! No spoilers. You promised to let me do most of the talking just in case people want to read your story. Less is more, Queen of the Color Wheel.”
    Marty rolls her big baby blues at me and pouts her perfectly glossed lips.
    Marty: “But you always do all the talking. We never get a say in what you’re going to do to us. I mean, how much do you think I loved that trip to Hell in…what was it, book four? Um, not. But I went because, for the love of all that’s hot and sweaty, you made me go, with all your late-night pecking on that stupid keyboard! It’s unfair! I say we all—”
    I give Marty the look. You know the one.
    Dakota: “Marty! Hush.”
    Marty hangs her head in shame and sighs, folding her hands in her lap after smoothing them over her trendy skirt.
    Marty: “Right. I keep forgetting. Less is more. So how’s you? The boys? How’s Oregon and that adorable DH of yours?”
    Dakota: “We’re all good, and enjoying empty-nesting.”
    Nina: “Yeah, that empty nest gives a hack like you way too much time to concoct more crazy.”
    Marty reaches across Wanda and yanks the string on Nina’s hoodie. I’d put Wanda in the middle of them for a reason. You’ll see why in three, two, one…
    Marty: “Knock it off, Mouthy McMouth, and let Dakota do what she invited