Free Reward for Retief by Keith Laumer Page A

these
baseless accusations against my very own colleague, the Groacian Chief of
Mission!" Shortfall boomed, as well as one can boom in a feeble tenor.
     
                "Gosh, sir," young
Marvin Lacklustre spoke up hesitantly. "A comradely feeling for a fellow
Ambassador is all very well, sir, but do you think it should outweigh your
loyalty to your fellow Terries and subordinates?"
     
                "Racism rears its ugly head,"
Shortfall intoned heavily. "Marvin, I'm surprised at you. I do hope you've
not at any time given utterance to these illiberal sentiments in the hearing of
others, perhaps less inclined than I to make allowance for youth and
inexperience."
     
                "You mean," Marvin
came back promptly, "that it's OK for you to sacrifice one of your own
officers just to keep the peace with your kiki-stone-fingering buddy, Flith!"
     
                " 'Ambassador Flith' if
you please, Marvin!" Shortfall corrected the lad. "Protocol, my boy,
is not so lightly to be tossed aside, not in my presence!"
     
                "Maybe the kid got a
point at that, Mr. A," Hy put in, sounding mournful.
     
                "Enough, Mr.
Felix!" Shortfall barked. "Get Mr. Retief up here to report at once,
I say! There'll be no more discussion of the matter! He was already in trouble
before daring to challenge my personal policies!"
     
                "Nobody's discussing that matter," Hy muttered. "What we're discussing is, if it's cool to
throw Retief to the dogs just so you can stay buddy-buddy with these local
maniacs and that five-eyed little sneak, Flith."
     
                "I warned Marvin about
proper diplomatic usage, Hy," Shortfall stated bleakly, "as well as
implied racism. Now you are so injudicious as to speak up to compound
both indiscretions." He paused to jot a note on a leather-bound pad.
"Perhaps, Hy," he went on, purringly, "you'd be happier after
all, back at the city desk of the Canny Poultrymeris Weekly, or whatever
sheet it was you formerly graced with your journalistic efforts."
     
                "Too bad you got
nothing to say about that," Hy retorted. "I get my instructions
direct from the Agency; the Department's got nothing to say about it. I call
'em like I see 'em, Mr. Ambassadore!"
     
                "Freedom of the press
is not at issue here, Hy," Shortfall corrected the dour newsman. "And
one calls them as one sees them, not 'like,' Hy," he added in a
More Kindly Tone, (13-r) and jotted again. "I've spoken to you before,
Hy," he went on, "about your usage 'Ambassadors.' As I jovially
commented on a former occasion, I am not an avenue of ingress and egress. The
word is Ambassador!"
     
                "Yeah," Hy
rejoined spiritedly. "But I seen a old historical filmclip showing about
olden times and all, and a big shot name of Ronnie Reagan said 'Ambassadore'
just like me!"
     
                "I recall the personage
you mention, Hy," Shortfall conceded. "He constantly outraged his
foes by taking actions which tended to serve his own nation's interests, rather
than those of his avowed enemies, the Blues, or Greens, or something. Hardly
the diplomatic way; poor choice as an exemplar, Hy."
     
                "Reds," Felix
supplied.
     
                "I said about Blues or
Greens or like that," Shortfall reminded the stubborn Information Agency
rep. "And that's the same as if I said 'Reds,' right, Art?" He turned
to the Cultural Attache for confirmation. "But it is the insubordination,
verging on open revolt, of Mr. Retief which is under discussion here!"
     
                "Ha!" Hy Felix
interjected. "Retief ain't even here! How could—"
     
                "You see?"
Shortfall cut off the irreverent Agency man. "After I distinctly ordered him
to report to me at once—and he's not even here!"
     
                "So the guy's a couple
minutes