Free Queen in Waiting: (Georgian Series) by Jean Plaidy Page A

shall not know what manner of man I am until I come to the end of my life.’
    Sophia Charlotte joined them.
    ‘I see as usual that you are giving Caroline something to think about,’ she said with a smile.
    The Electress Sophia visited Lützenburg accompanied by her grandson Frederick William.
    There was great preparation for their arrival, for not only was Sophia Charlotte eager to have her son home again but she was delighted at the prospect of having her mother to stay with her.
    Caroline was inclined to be a little jealous and this Sophia Charlotte recognized at once.
    ‘My darling,’ she said, ‘you will love my mother and she will love you. Instead of the two of us now there will be three. We shall be a trinity.’
    Caroline was unsure; from all she had heard of the Electress Sophia she visualized a formidable woman.
    She was agreeably surprised, for although the old Electress was indeed formidable, she showed nothing but pleasure in meeting Caroline.
    ‘My daughter tells me such news of you,’ she said on their first meeting, ‘that I am impatient to meet you. Why, you have a charming face, and I am grateful to you for making my dear daughter so happy.’
    It was a good beginning, for it was apparent to Caroline that Sophia was a woman who would say what was on her mind and it appeared that because her daughter had explained how much Caroline meant to her, the Electress was prepared to accept her too.
    Her nervousness evaporated and she found herself being as natural as she was in the presence of Sophia Charlotte and, with the approving eyes of the latter upon her, she proceeded to find a way into the good graces of the mother.
    The entertainments at Lützenburg delighted the old Electress and she was invariably to the fore in the discussions that went on. She was delighted to meet her old friend Gottfried Leibniz and even more pleased to see him so happily settled at her daughter’s court.
    She liked, too, to wander in the gardens with Caroline and sound her to discover, Caroline was sure, whether she lived up to the reports her daughter had sent her. Caroline found herself playing the part of earnest young philosopher, seeking the truth, playing it in the manner she thought would best appeal to the old woman.
    Am I being a little false? she asked herself. Were the Leibniz doctrines teaching her never to be herself, always to stand outside a scene, metaphorically, and look in on herself playing a part? Was it better to forget to watch oneself, to be natural, to say the first thing which came into one’s mind? One would be more honest if one did. But it was so easy to do or say what was unwise, perhaps to change the whole pattern of one’s life by a word or a small action.
    Sometimes it seemed to her that there was no definite right or wrong way of living. Sometimes she allowed herself to believe that life would go on forever as it was now: Herself the companion, handmaiden, devoted daughter of the one she loved and always would, she believed, beyond all others. But common sense told her this could not be. Sophia Charlotte herself would not wish it. She would want to see her married, a mother, making a home of her own. There were only two ways in which she could ensure a life with Sophia Charlotte until death parted them. One was to remain unmarried; the other was to marry Sophia Charlotte’s son.
    The second prospect made her shiver.
    Frederick William had returned from Hanover no better than he had gone away. He still strutted about the court, arrogant as ever, and none of the attendants and servants dared thwart him or he would take his revenge; he would warn them that one day he would be their master and he would not forget.
    Thinking of marriage with him made Caroline’s thoughts turn to those far-off days in Saxony.
    Never! she told herself. I would rather remain unmarried. That is the answer. I will never marry. I will stay here with dearest Sophia Charlotte until the end of my days.
    Frederick