Free The Great Cat Massacre by Gareth Rubin Page B

French government decided to invade Britain – at the very least it would be a surprising distraction from the main war effort – and the landing in Wales was due to be part of a three-pronged invasion, with the other assaults coming in Ireland and Newcastle upon Tyne. Unluckily for the French, bad weather forced the other legions to turn back, leaving a one-pronged invasion doomed to failure.
    The French commander of choice for the mission was also a somewhat surprising – and poor – choice. Colonel William Tate was an Irish American in his seventies, who was utterly unable to communicate with his 1,200 French troops, half of whom had been recruited or dragged from French prisons. Some were actually English, and yet wereexpected to fight against their fellow countrymen for no reason. The company didn’t even have proper uniforms; they were wearing British uniforms that they had captured and attempted to dye, leaving them a dark brown – hence their nickname: the Black Legion.
    Tate was happy to go along with the plan, however, because he hated Britain. During the American War of Independence, the American Indians had fought with the British against the colonists, who were taking over Indian land wherever they felt like it, and an Indian unit had killed Tate’s parents. So, on 18 February 1797, his four ships were due to dock in Bristol and he was then to march across the land cutting a swathe; but the boats were blown off course and headed towards Wales. The British watched them pass by, wondering what on earth they were planning to do. And, as they approached land, the French met fierce resistance from the brave burghers of Fishguard, who fired a single shot at the ships – one shot only because it was the only shot that the town had in its possession.
    The less-than-steely-brave Tate, however, presumed it was just the first shot of many and ordered his ships to sail on, before finally landing on an unprotected beach. They disembarked and scaled the cliffs in the dark of night to make their one territorial gain in Britain – a remote farmhouse, Trehowel Farm.
    From there, the Black Legion went on to plunder a few local houses – all of which also happened to contain a large amount of port and brandy, recently rescued from a Portuguese wreck. The effect of this booty was to somewhat incapacitate the soldiers, and the local militiawas soon bearing down on them, having stripped the lead off the roof of St David’s Cathedral to make bullets.
    It didn’t come to fighting, however, because the pickled French troops had already begun destroying their own HQ, the farmhouse, burning anything to keep warm. Outside, 12 of Tate’s legless men had meanwhile been captured as prisoners of war by Jemima Nicholas, a local woman armed with a pitchfork (there is now a local brand of tea named after her).
    Feeling the jig might be up before it had even started, Tate ordered his men down to the beach, Goodwin Sands, in order to open surrender negotiations but to be ready to fight, if needs be. When they reached the beach, they looked up and saw a regiment of regular British redcoat troops standing on the cliff top. The French realised they didn’t have a hope and immediately surrendered. It was only later that they discovered that the British soldiers were actually local women in their traditional dress, including red flannel shawls and tall black hats, which had a vaguely military look to them. Tate signed his surrender in the local pub and the last invasion of Britain was cancelled.
FRANCE’S SECRET WEAPON – WILLIAM ERSKINE, 1811
    During the Peninsular War between Britain and the Napoleonic forces in Portugal, France had one ace up her sleeve: William Erskine, one of the most incompetent British officers in history.
    During the 1811 Siege of Almeida, Wellington, who was in command, had tried for some time to sideline Major-GeneralErskine, who had a history of getting lost during battles or leading his men in charges in the