Free Minus Me by Ingelin Rossland Page B

screams out to be picked on? He gets so easily worked up. And then it’s all the more fun. Anteater! Everybody else had thought it was hilarious. Nobody said it was wrong. Whoops, that’s not entirely true; Maria had been cross with her and hadn’t talked to her for days.
    Which is why she knows it’s Maria who’s standing outside the door now. She can sense her presence, even though Maria hasn’t said a thing yet, or even knocked on the door.
    Perhaps that’s why her heart stopped? Because she’s too despicable to be allowed to live? Because she’s the kind of person who bullies weaker people to make other people laugh, so she feels she’s tough and popular.
    She takes out her mobile. No new messages. Not a thing from Axel. Her birthday isn’t actually till tomorrow, but still. She brings her hand to her neck and touches the little dolphin charm from Oscar. Poor Oscar. Does he know she’s only with him to get some practice with boys? That she doesn’t really love him? She closes her eyes, her fingers still clutching the dolphin. She imagines Axel; the sun reflecting in the saltwater droplets that scatter onto his face like rain. She can almost feel herself treading the water, his breath against her cheek. His hand tucking a lock of wet hair behind her ear. His lips parting. She can feel herself pull back because she thinks he’s going to kiss her.
    ‘You’re like a dolphin,’ he said, before diving down below the surface and disappearing. And now here she is, wearing a dolphin necklace that’s been given to her by Oscar. It’s all wrong. She gets up and puts her phone into camera mode, and takes a selfie. From above. It makes your eyes look bigger if you gaze up into the lens. She stares at the picture. She looks so innocent, wearing her tiara and pretty dress. And with the angle of the picture it seems as if she’s got a bit of a bust. Everything’s just fake. She sits down on the toilet seat and writes a text under the picture.
    ‘Hope you haven’t forgotten it’s my birthday tomorrow? Dolphin-girl.’
    There’s a soft knock at the door. Linda looks up from the text.
    ‘Yes?’
    ‘It’s me. Maria. Are you alright?’
    ‘Yes. Wait a minute,’ says Linda, erasing the message.
    She takes a square of toilet paper, moistens it under the tap, and wipes away the smudgy mascara from under her eyes. Then she throws the paper in the toilet and flushes it, before unlocking the door.
    ‘Linda, what are you doing?’
    ‘Who knows? Having a party?’
    ‘Everybody’s wondering where you are.’
    ‘Everybody thinks I’m a bitch. Has Kristoffer gone?’
    ‘Yes,’ says Maria, stroking Linda’s hair.
    ‘Hmm. I’d forgotten what happened. But he’s right. I did pick on him. I thought it was fun. I didn’t even consider his feelings. They weren’t important. It was the same when I hid that worm in the teacher’s salad. All I thought about was making other people laugh. I’m an egotistical monster. Why do you even hang around with me? Why does Oscar want to be my boyfriend? And why did everybody come to my party?’
    ‘Because they like you. And I like you. Don’t you get it?’
    ‘But I’m not a nice person. And the worst thing is, I didn’t have any bad conscience about picking on Kristoffer. Even now, I can’t stop thinking he’s a bit pathetic. But he’s right. I did bully him. And I’m not even sure if I’ve apologized in the right way. What’s the right way to apologize?’
    ‘But Kristoffer accepted your apology,’ says Maria.
    Linda doesn’t answer, but lets her friend put her arms round her. It’s easy for her, thinks Linda. Maria is so perfect. She’s popular without being cool or tough.
    ‘What’s it like to believe in God, Maria?’
    She doesn’t quite know why she’s dragged God into the conversation suddenly. Perhaps because she’s behaved so badly. Perhaps that’s when we need God most. So we can say sorry and believe that he’s sitting up in Heaven somewhere,