“Oh hey, Jackie,” she says, her tone mocking. “I didn’t know you were invited.”
Todd turns and sees me. He backs up and puts Becka’s legs on the floor. “She wasn’t. Jackie, what are you doing here?”
I smile even though I’m shaken. “I thought—I mean, it’s my birthday. I thought this was my party.”
“Jackie,” Todd says slowly, “we broke up. I’m not throwing you a party. We haven’t even talked in, like, six weeks.”
“But I—you—you never said you
weren’t
throwing me a party. The last time we talked about it…”
Becka laughs. “What a freak.” She turns to me. “Time to move on, sister. You dated for—what? Three weeks?”
“Six months,” I say, but it’s barely a whisper.
Those six months were the happiest of my life. And it wasn’t like we hadn’t known each other beforehand. We’ve been going to the same school since Kindergarten. I’ve
always
been his. That’s what people don’t understand. We’re meant for each other.
Todd comes up to me. He’s annoyed but not angry. “How did you even get here?”
“I walked.” I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I blink them back. I refuse to be anything but perfect tonight.
“Aw, Jackie,” Todd says. He takes a step closer. “It’s more than a mile.”
I reach for his hand. “I’d walk to the ends of the earth for you,” I say in a gasp. He recoils, and Becka jumps off the counter.
“Watch it,” she says. “He’s
my
boyfriend, not yours.”
Todd raises his hand. “I can handle it.”
“Why don’t you leave?” Becka taunts from behind him. “Why don’t you go home and do some homework?”
“It’s already done,” I mumble. I turn to Todd. “Can’t we just talk?”
“
Jackie
,” he says, his tone a mix of reproach and regret, “You should go.”
My lip quivers. I can’t say anything. I can’t even blink for fear that it will send tears down my cheeks.
I nod, and then back out of the kitchen.
The music from the stereo seems more hollow than before, and no one bothers to talk to me on my way out, or ask me why I’m crying.
I walk back home in the cold. The streets are dark. The sound of running water comes from the gutter as the snow melts, but the rest of the night is quiet. There are still patches of white on some lawns, and along the corners of the roofs, but otherwise winter is over.
I don’t understand how Todd could move on so quickly. I understand he had girlfriends before me, but I thought I was different. He was my first boyfriend. To be honest, by then he was my only friend. We did everything together, and for a brief period, it was like my entire world expanded. Now I have this emptiness to deal with. Even the sky feels farther away than it did before, and the darkness emptier.
It’s a mile back to my house. The driveway is empty, and I’m not surprised. My mother is a nurse. She works odd shifts, sometimes gone the entire day, sometimes the entire night. There are weeks when we don’t see each other face to face, and communicate solely by notes on the fridge.
I don’t mind, not really. I’m glad to be alone tonight.
I unlock the door and abruptly lock it behind me. This is a safe neighborhood, but it pays to be vigilant. I go from window to window, double-checking that they are locked, and then I wash my face in the bathroom. I go into my room and change out of the outfit I bought especially for my party. I fold it neatly into the second drawer of my dresser, slip on a nightgown, and then sit on the edge of my bed.
My room is spotless. Every pen and pencil is put away on my desk, and my carpet even has fresh vacuum lines. It smells like roses. I have straight A’s and perfect attendance. I’m cute. I’m smart. Why doesn’t he want me?
And why—
why
—did he chose Becka instead? What does he see in her? What does she have that I don’t?
I start to cry again as I pull out the pins from my hair and set them in a neat row on my bedside table.
It’s