Free All I Ever Wanted by Vikki Wakefield Page B

hang at our place.
    I go around the back and tap on the window. Tahnee’s ten-year-old sister, Merrilee, opens the door.
    â€˜Hi, munchkin,’ I say. ‘Is Tahnee home?’
    â€˜She said she’s not,’ Merry says, looking over her shoulder.
    â€˜What’s up with her?’ I go in anyway, because that’s what Tahnee is expecting.
    There’s a bucket by her bed and she’s cocooned in her quilt. She groans and rolls over to face the wall. She’s taken down all our photos from her pinboard. Now there are shots of her and Ryan. Kissing Ryan. Hugging Ryan. Dancing with Ryan. Ryan and his mates. Ryan’s car. Tahnee and three girls I don’t know. Tahnee with one of the girls from the bonfire, their arms linked. There’s this whole other life going on that I don’t know about. All this stuff happening without me .
    â€˜You hung?’ I ask the obvious.
    â€˜Go away,’ she says.
    â€˜Geez, how much did you drink?’
    â€˜A lot. Now go away.’
    â€˜I’ll go if you tell me you’re not mad at me any more.’
    She turns over and sits up, still rolled inside the quilt like a hotdog. Last night’s make-up is streaked down her cheeks.
    â€˜I’m not mad at you. I’m just so over you. I’m sick of your rules and you thinking you’re so much better than everybody else. Now, go away.’
    I wasn’t expecting this. Tahnee’s rejection is much worse than Jordan’s. We’re always okay after a falling-out. We argue, niggle, tease—then we’re okay again.
    â€˜I don’t think I’m better than anybody else!’ I yell. ‘I think I’m worse. It’s easy to turn out like I’m supposed to. Pregnant and unemployed and living in a half-house. That’s easy, Tahnee. It’s fucking hard doing what I’m doing. It’s hard.’
    â€˜Ooooh,’ she taunts. ‘Isn’t that one of your stupid rules? No swearing? No sex. No quitting school. No sin. No fun. No wonder Jordan wasn’t interested. You’re nothing.’
    Her words hit me like a punch. Last night Jordan Mullen circled me in the pine forest like I was nothing and I stood there and let him. I had nothing to say. Now I have plenty.
    â€˜What, did Ryan dump you after you served it up to him on a plate? Oh, Ryan, would you like fries with that?’ I mimic her. ‘What did you expect? That’s all you had to give him and you just gave it up. Remember this?’ I pull up my sleeve to reveal the pale scar inside my elbow. ‘Blood oath, Tahnee. We were supposed to stick together. Didn’t that mean anything to you? You totally dumped me for him. Friends don’t do that.’
    If I’m expecting sympathy, Tahnee has other ideas.
    â€˜It’s not always all about you.’ She lies down, flips over and faces the wall again. ‘I never believed in your stupid rules, anyway.’ Her shoulders shake and I think she might be crying.
    I put my hand on her back. I don’t want to hurt her. ‘I have so much to tell you,’ I say.
    No answer, just shuddering sighs, the kind you can do in your sleep after you’ve cried so hard your ribs hurt.
    â€˜Are you okay?’
    â€˜No,’ she sobs.
    â€˜What’s happened?’
    â€˜Go away!’ She flips over and screams in my face. ‘You always ruin everything. Things were going great for me. Just stay out of my life!’
    â€˜Do you need a punching bag, Tahnee? Go ahead. Everyone else has had their shot this week!’ I shout back.
    Merry’s face appears at the bedroom door. Her eyes are round and scared. ‘Shhh,’ she puts her finger to her lips. ‘You’ll wake up Mum.’
    â€˜Fine, if that’s what you want,’ I say, and leave. I let the door slam behind me. ‘See ya, Bev!’ I yell as I pass her bedroom window.
    Outside, the noise and the stench make me suddenly,