Free She's Gone: A Novel by Joye Emmens Page B

like myself.”
    Jolie liked herself too, except for what she had done to her parents.
    “With the old self, there are barriers to the new society, and tension is created,” Michael said.
    “When we share more organic experiences, we replace the traditional value system and accept the new one. If any experience is inconsistent with the structure of the self, it’s perceived as a threat, and we can’t live in harmony,” Bill said.
    Share organic experiences? Replace the traditional value system? Were they talking about sex? She would only have sex on her terms, not because she was living in the commune. She believed in true love and commitment. Will was all she wanted. She looked around the room at the other women. They were smart and more experienced than she was. Would Will be tempted in this free society? A jealous pang shot through her. Why did they have to live there? She would not surrender to a different sense of order and meaning. She would stay true to herself.

    The dreaded Saturday morning arrived. They gathered for the encounter session in the parlor, sitting in a circle of chairs. Bill introduced the group to Tom, the psychologist who was to lead the two-day session. He had short brown hair and neatly trimmed sideburns. He stood in the middle of the circle, exuding confidence.
    “Don’t be nervous,” Tom said, turning around to everyone in the circle. “Don’t be shy.” He looked straight at Jolie.
    How did he know she was scared stiff? She gulped. He was on to her.
    “We will engage in intense interaction with each other to improve our own self-awareness and interpersonal relations,” Tom said. “You must be completely open and honest and react immediately with your true feelings. Get in touch with your range of emotions and share them with the others.”
    He paused and looked around the room into the eyes of every person. “You will help others work through their issues in a supportive way. This will strengthen your ties and future communications. We’ll go around the room and each of you will have the chance to talk about your concerns, issues, or problems affecting you. Who wants to start?”
    Everyone looked around the room expectantly. They were in for a long two days. Jolie sat back, willing herself invisible, terrified of being called upon. She didn’t have any problems, at least not yet. She sat, petrified, on the stiff wooden chair.
    Bill spoke up. Jolie exhaled. “It’s been a year since we formed the Big Yellow House, and we still have so many inhibitions with each other. Some of us are so uptight about things.”
    No one spoke.
    “What kind of things?” Tom said.
    Bill’s wife, Maddy, closed her eyes.
    “Love. We’re not sharing the love,” Bill said.
    The group looked around the room at each other.
    “I feel the love,” Kerrie said.
    “You haven’t shared my bed and my love,” Bill said. Maddy started to quietly cry.
    “I am married to your brother,” Kerrie said. “I love you as a brother.”
    “We can share love without sex,” Peter said, coming to her rescue. “I love Maddy, but I don’t need to sleep with her to let her know.”
    Oh boy, the session was in full gear. She glanced at Will, and their eyes met. Why did he look so amused? She was intimidated around this group. He reached for her hand. What if they asked her about her views on sex? Deidre got up and put her arms around Maddy.
    Tom seemed to enjoy this exchange. He sat back in his chair and did not intervene.
    “Your idea of love doesn’t work for everyone,” Maddy said, empowered by Deidre’s support.
    “Sleeping with others has always been a private decision, and optional,” Michael said. “It is not a rule of the commune.”
    Silence ensued. Jolie realized her foot was jiggling madly. She uncrossed her legs and planted her feet firmly on the floor.
    “We all agreed to govern without a leader Bill, but you seem to be always in charge and passing judgment,” Anthony said.
    “I was