Free Always by Nicola Griffith Page A

volunteer.” Pauletta, and she sounded put out.
    “Besides that.” No one said anything. “All right. What did Suze’s first response look like to you?”
    “Like you scared the shit out of her for no good reason,” Nina said.
    “And what about her second response?”
    “The same, but less.”
    “I was not scared.” Several of them nodded sympathetically, even though every single one of them knew this wasn’t true. Christie patted her on the arm.
    “And the third time?”
    “Like she was about to run but changed her mind.”
    “She was going to fight,” Christie said. More nods.
    “She did flinch,” Pauletta said, sounding as though she were trying very hard to be fair, even though I didn’t deserve it.
    “Yes. Almost everyone will flinch. Suze did very well.” Christie smiled. Therese looked slightly mollified. I wondered whether to file flattery under useful teaching technique or craven behavior. “So, the same apparent situation, three different responses. They were different responses because Suze interpreted each of my attacks differently. She gained experience. She extrapolated. By the third time she knew I wasn’t going to hit her. She’d also had practice at responding. In other words, each situation was different. Even though what I did was exactly the same, Suze’s experience level had changed, so it was a different situation.”
    Which is why Sandra had moved only after she saw that everyone else had and might notice if she didn’t.
    “One way to get some experience without being in real danger is to do a little role play. Has any of you ever done any acting?”
    They all studied the carpet very carefully.
    “Not since fourth grade,” Nina said eventually. “The nativity play.”
    “Yeah?” said Pauletta. “Who did you play, the donkey?”
    “Pauletta, Nina, you’re our first volunteers. Pauletta, stand over here. It’s night. You’re waiting at a MARTA station. You’re the only one on the platform, and the train’s late. Imagine that. Pretend you’re doing it.”
    Most women learned very young how to play the roles expected of them. Girls’ games were built on the notion: play Mom, play nurse, play teacher. They played and played and played until they learnt to inhabit the roles.
    Pauletta started looking up and down the imaginary train line, rising onto her toes, then rocking back onto her heels. She put her hands on her hips, sighed in exasperation. The picture of a tired, irritated commuter.
    “Nina, over there. You’re male, about thirty, you’ve had a couple of shots of Jack Daniel’s, you feel like a big man. Imagine how that feels. You walk onto the platform and see this sweet young thing waiting at the other end. You realize that if you wanted to, you could have some fun.”
    Women observed male behavior closely, learnt to parse every nuance. Like antelope with lions, their safety sometimes depended on it.
    Nina leered and sauntered forward, head relaxed, gaze moving here and there, taking in the fact that they were the only people, slowing as she approached the woman on the platform. Pauletta turned her shoulders slightly away from the man and put her hands in her pockets.
    “You can speak, if you like.”
    “Um- um, ” said Nina, appraisal vibrating in every syllable. “Hello, dar lin’.”
    Pauletta looked away. Perfect.
    “Okay. Freeze frame.” I turned to the rest of the class. “What do you see?”
    “She’s frightened,” Jennifer said.
    Nods.
    “She’s hoping he’ll just go away,” Tonya said. More nods.
    “Do you think he will?”
    “Fuck no,” said Suze.
    “How do you know that?”
    “Look at him. He’s gonna play with her. He knows she’s not gonna stop him.”
    “So what do you think will happen next? Therese?”
    “I’m not sure,” she said. The delicate muscles at the top of her shoulders flexed as she folded her arms. “It depends on what she does.”
    Sandra was watching the imaginary platform intently. I said, “Does