Free The Truth About My Bat Mitzvah by Nora Raleigh Baskin Page A

A-list party again? After I had made such a fool out of myself.
    I felt like I did in my dream, thrashing around in the ocean, afraid and alone. Not having anything to hold on to.
    â€œCaroline, are you all right?” My mother came into my room.
    I knew she had come up to tell me that my grandfather and his sister were here. And she knew I was upset as soon as she saw my face. I thought about telling her everything. About the sleepover invitation that never was. About what a poor job I did trying to stick up for Rachel. What a poor job I did trying to stick up for myself. Maybe I could tell her about what Lauren said, because I knew that would make my mom really furious. She might not be so Jewish, but she was big on causes and all things unjust.
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    But this time she got it all wrong.
    â€œI know you’re not crazy about seeing your aunt Gert today,” she said.
    â€œWhat?” I wiped my eyes.
    â€œCaroline, I know you overheard what Daddy and I were talking about in the car. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
    â€œWhat?” I said it again.
    â€œI know you heard me saying things about Poppy and his family and why they haven’t been in touch all these years. I shouldn’t have been talking about it in the car like that. I was just very upset, after the funeral and everything.”
    â€œMom…”
    â€œBut it was a long time ago, Caroline. It’s good they have each other again…if Poppy can forgive his sister, certainly we can. So do you think you can come downstairs and be nice. For me?” she said.
    I didn’t move from my bed but at least I wasn’t crying anymore. Maybe it would be a good time to talk to her. She was in one of her talking moods. Of course, it would have been betterif she had been in a listening mood. I opened my mouth but didn’t know where to start. I never got to.
    â€œI mean, Caroline,” my mother went on suddenly, “it’s not like my parents were so thrilled when I wanted to marry your father.”
    I had no idea what she was talking about. Nana and Poppy?
    â€œHuh?”
    â€œBecause Daddy wasn’t Jewish,” she explained. “Poppy even offered to buy me a new car if I didn’t get married.” She laughed.
    That wasn’t funny at all, I thought.
    â€œSo come on downstairs, sweetie. Okay? Daddy’s making his specialty tuna fish salad.”
    â€œAunt Gert is here already?” I asked.
    She nodded.
    â€œOkay, I’ll be right there,” I said.
    I mean, really, I didn’t think my life could get any worse.
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    I fell into bed exhausted that night, but it was still hard to fall asleep. I kept thinking about the whole weekend, about everything that had happened. It was like a whole lifetime had gone by. It was like I had been a little kid Friday and I was an old lady by Sunday night.
    I knew too much, I thought. And nothing at all.
    I couldn’t sleep.
    I thought about that little orthodox boy. What was he doing now? Would he tell people the story of what happened to him at the Bronx Zoo one day, about the girl who called him weird? Or did that happen to him all the time? Had I hurt his feelings?
    I hadn’t meant anything by it, but probably neither had Lauren.
    And I kept thinking about my nana and Poppy and about what would have happened if my mother had decided she really wanted a new car after all. I might not be here right now.
    At least then I’d have nothing to worry about.
    And just before I finally settled down and was about to fall asleep, I remembered tomorrow was picture day.
    Great.

23
    I Will Be Like Me
    You know how just before you are going to get your hair cut, it looks really good? Your mother calls this fancy place weeks before because you’re complaining so much, then the very day of your appointment, your hair looks great. It looks the best it ever has and you wonder why you ever wanted to get it cut in the first