whispered in my ear, cupping his palms over my cheeks and gently pressing his fingers down. His hands pushed my skirt up, wandered between my legs, and slid up and down my thighs. My heart skipped several beats. I wasn’t sure whether I would die of shame or sexual delight. Pressing against him, I could distinctly feel his arousal, and that told me that my figure couldn’t have been quite as repulsive as I’d always assumed. Of course, he wasn’t looking at it, just feeling it. I made a mental note to only allow myself to be with him completely naked in a dark room . . . but as he shamelessly touched me and my excitement increased, I lost my train of thought as to how I might pull it off.
Moments later I stifled a gasp. The hand in my panties was gently stroking my most sensitive spot. For such a long time—until I lost control, clung to him, and heard myself beg him not to stop. His low, throaty laugh coupled with the words that he wouldn’t dream of stopping and the dance of his skilled fingers finally allowed me to fall over the cliff. My legs cramped, and he held my waist with his free hand. I felt like I was blowing up inside. When the red veil before my eyes slowly cleared and I caught my breath, he pushed me gently down onto the sofa, lay close beside me, and looked into my eyes. He was breathing heavily, and I couldn’t help but have a bad conscience—I’d been the only one to get my money’s worth.
“Nick, that was unbelievable, but you—”
He put a finger to my lips. “Shh. It’s OK. I told you I want to give you some time. We’ll have a chance to continue what we just started. And anyway, we should figure out contraception. I assume you’re not on the pill?”
I was ashamed to realize that in my blind passion, I’d given no thought to this vital need. I shook my head in embarrassment and stared at the opposite wall. He must have taken me for a complete loser when it came to sex. And, actually, I was, but I wanted desperately to make a confident impression on Nick. He took my head in his hands and looked deep into my eyes.
“Laura, my love, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. You are utterly sweet, and it does take some self-control, but I really don’t mind. You know, it’s every man’s dream to be the first one to show a woman how beautiful love and sex can be. But we’ll take as much time as we need for that. And we’ll manage the contraception thing, too. If you don’t want to swallow hormones, then we’ll use condoms. Or both, if you prefer.”
Who would believe it? None of the heroes in the love stories I’d devoured discussed these matters so calmly and pragmatically—while still managing to be so desirable and romantic.
I decided to make an appointment with my gynecologist the very next day. Now that I finally had a rudimentary grasp of why all books and songs revolve around love, desire, and sex, I could hardly wait to experience those feelings in my own body, with Nick.
That evening when I got home, I started The Little Prince . Even alone in my apartment, I felt tremendously close to Nick. I’d read the book as a child and only saw it as a beautiful, bittersweet fairy tale. Rereading it, I was fascinated by how much wisdom and social criticism lay hidden in that short story, and I caught myself underlining particularly lovely passages. I searched the Internet for more quotations from the French writer. A passage from Wind, Sand and Stars nailed my unforeseen romantic relationship with Nick perfectly: “The essentials cannot be predicted. The most ardent pleasures we’ve all known were never promised to us.”
We saw a lot of each other in the following days because Nick wasn’t filming at the time. I, unfortunately, had to work during the day while he was reading scripts he’d been offered, but the minute I finished work each evening he picked me up right from the office, and we clung together like burrs. I enjoyed every second of the time we spent with each