Uncle John's Endlessly Engrossing Bathroom Reader

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Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
to make the festival—which celebrates fine food and wine—as memorable as possible, every public restroom had its own poet, minstrel, singer, juggler, etc. Each performer was given two duties: to keep spirits high, and to hand out soap and towels to patrons. “This adds an extra dimension that people will appreciate,” said Hobart mayor Rob Valentine.
     
    Honoree: Roger Robinson, an American mountaineer
    Notable Achievement: Inventing a go-anywhere toilet that you can take to the top of the world
    True Story: As more adventurers than ever before ascend to the planet’s highest peaks, garbage and, uh, human-generated pollutants are becoming a serious problem. With that in mind, Robinson conceived of the “Clean Mountain Can” in 2000. It consists of a plastic bucket and lid along with a gas-impervious bag that neutralizes foul odors. It’s 11 inches tall, weighs 2.4 pounds, comes with straps that attach it to a backpack, and is completely leakproof. Capacity: 1.86 gallons, which covers 10 to 14 uses.
     
    Honoree: Dawa Steven Sherpa, a Nepalese mountaineer
    Notable Achievement: Taking Robinson’s Clean Mountain Can (see previous entry) to the top of the world
    True Story: In May 2008, 25-year-old Dawa led an “eco-expedition” up Mt. Everest to bring awareness to the impact of climate change in the Himalayas. At the same time, he wanted to put Robinson’s portable toilet to the ultimate test. How did the CMC do? By all accounts, very well. Dawa’s 18-member team was able
to pack out 143 pounds of their own “personal” waste, keeping it from contaminating Everest.
    Bonus: Dawa’s team carried out a lot more than #2. They also hauled down “2,100 pounds of garbage, including cans, gas canisters, kitchen waste, tents, parts of an Italian helicopter that crashed 35 years ago, and the remains of a British climber who died in 1972.”
     
    Honoree: Yasmin Mughal, from Sweden
    Notable Achievement: Successfully potty-training her pet parrot True Story: “I noticed that every time I took Emil out of his cage, he had to do a poo,” said Mughal. One problem: The parrot kept doing it on the furniture. “So I placed him on the toilet and told him to make a poo, which he actually did!” Now Emil knows that if he wants to get out of his cage and play, he must first go to the loo. (No word on whether she taught the bird to flush.)
     
    Honoree: Steve Oswald, a Michigan merchant
    Notable Achievement: Cleaning his town’s filthy public restrooms…for a price
    True Story: August is the busiest time of year for the popular tourist destination of Saugatuck, a culture and arts mecca on the shores of Lake Michigan. But in 2008, Oswald received several complaints from out-of-towners about the state of the city’s dirty restrooms. After looking at them, Oswald agreed: “I wouldn’t have sat down there, either.” He tried notifying the city council, but no one called him back. So he took matters into his own hands and cleaned up a few of the worst loos near his business himself. Then he sent a cleaning bill to the city for $156.94. The mayor thanked Oswald for his civic-mindedness, but refused to pay, saying it might set the “wrong precedent.” That didn’t surprise Oswald. He only sent the bill “as a matter of principle.” He just wants the town to stop grossing out its most important economic stimulators—tourists. (The city council promised to hire more cleaners.) Bonus: As a token of appreciation (and in lieu of payment), the mayor presented Oswald with Saugatuck’s first ever “Golden Plunger Award” (a plunger spray-painted gold). “I will display this proudly in my window as a symbol that one person can make a difference,” said Oswald at the ceremony.

SO, WHERE ARE THEY?
    If there are other planets in the universe capable of supporting
intelligent life—and astronomers speculate that there may be
millions of them—how is it that no trace of alien life has
ever been detected in space or here on

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