Free Geekhood by Andy Robb Page B

ofadventurers will be playing the Game in their guises as Player Characters (PCs). As the DM, I decide what they can see and describe it to them. The outcomes of any encounters with monsters, traps and magic spells are determined by rolling different dice – some of which have as many as twenty sides. The score is then balanced out against certain characteristics on their Character Profile, such as Strength or Dexterity, and an outcome is determined, like they kill the monster …
    IM: Win!
    … disable the trap …
    IM: Mega win!
    …or bad things can happen, like a spell backfiring.
    IM: Fail.
    Matt’s Mage has nearly died three times and had to be resuscitated by Ravi’s Lazarus Potion. Ravi’s an Acolyte aligned to the deity G’thraax. Beggsy’s a Dwarf.
    IM: It fits.
    My problem is that Beggsy and the boys have been working their way through my adventure (Tomb of the Sleepless) and have been accruing Experience Points, which increase their abilities. Shoehorning Sarah in as a Level 4 Sorceress might cause some offence, but then I don’t think she’d put up with being a less able member of the group. I think I’ll make her a Level 3 and give her a Summon Greater Demon spell on the quiet.I ought to give her a name as well; we don’t want play to be held up by umming and ahing through names. It ought to be something a bit slinky – but not too slinky – something like… I rack my brains for female names. Nothing.
    IM: It’ll come.
    With that thought settling in my mind and Mrs Hughes blathering away in the background about John Steinbeck’s use of slang, I then consider how much time I’ve got to paint Sarah’s figurine. I’ve done the black wash, so if I put the base colours on tonight, I can do highlights tomorrow, lowlights on Thursday and…D’oh! No time for embellishments. This is going to have to be a rush job. I might have to employ Mum’s hairdryer to help the paint go off quicker.
    Then there’s the Lair. The setting’s got to be Just Right. Normally with the guys, we just sit round my gaming table, stick some background music on and get gaming. But I want to evoke a feeling of something more mysterious for Sarah. I can see us all, huddled over the maps, lit only by candles. If only I had some pewter goblets; that’d be good. And some incense. I ought to buy some incense.
    And I ought to sort my room out, get it properly unpacked and tidied. I suddenly do a mental itinerary of the books that line my bookshelf; not so muchmysterious and dusty tomes as a catalogue of escapist nonsense absorbed by a fourteen-year-old whose tenuous grip on reality is getting weaker by the day. When I left it this morning, my Lair looked like little more than a theme park for the emotionally stunted.
    IM: Tony’s got books…
    He has. Some pretty impressive-looking ones too: the big, leather-bound sort. There ought to be a dictionary and perhaps an atlas – might make me look a bit more travelled. I make a mental note to siphon off some of Tony’s library and supplement my own. This whole process is more complicated than I thought, but it’s got to be worth the effort. The bell goes, signalling the end of a lesson I didn’t hear.
    As if in response, my mind gives me a brief but crystal-clear vision of Sarah’s icy eyes glittering in the candlelight, as she drinks in the arcane atmosphere of the Lair, a sanctuary of forbidden knowledge, where dreams become reality and––
    “Dude!”
    Bloody Beggsy.
    “Dude! Didn’t you hear me? I was calling from way back.”
    “No, sorry.”
    As chattering students file past, through and around us, we enter into the midst of what can only be describedas an uncomfortable silence. As the guilty party, I’m struggling for words. Luckily, Beggsy’s unofficial position of Peace Negotiator gives him the strength to get the ball rolling.
    “I spoke to Matt last night.”
    “OK… How’s he doing?”
    “Dude, he’s pretty pissed.”
    Anyone who doesn’t know