Free The Last Starfighter by Alan Dean Foster Page A

however, all busy at various tasks. Alex spotted a familiar figure in the midst of them.
    “Hey, Centauri!”
    He started through the crowd, avoiding contact with the non-humanoid aliens filling the room.
    Centauri was arguing with the male counterpart of the two females who’d brought him this far. Although Alex couldn’t understand a word of it, there was no doubt that the two were locked in some kind of dispute. Occasionally the new alien would gesture forcefully in Alex’s direction. Unable to participate, he stood dumbly nearby, holding his bulky load of clothing.
    “What’s going on? Centauri, what’s all the shouting about?” He hefted his load. “What am I supposed to do with these?”
    Centauri didn’t reply. That was a pity, because Alex would have found the conversation most enlightening. As he suspected, it concerned him.
    What the tall alien was saying at that moment was something that could be translated as, “Explain this, you chiseler.”
    “Chiseler?” Centauri fought to convey his outrage through the confines of his human mask. “My expenses on this trip were astronomical.”
    “Your expenses are always astronomical when you leave this system.”
    “No, no, I’m speaking idiomatically.”
    “You mean idiotically. Who do you think you are fooling, Centauri?”
    “I’m not trying to fool anybody, sightless one. I’ll have you know that you’re lookin’ at A-number-one merchandise here. He’s unique, this one is. Centauri guarantees it.”
    “Hey, uh, Centauri?” The two aliens continued to ignore the subject of their argument.
    “Really?” The tall alien gave Alex a quick once-over. Unaware of the reason behind this sudden stare, Alex smiled witlessly. “I think this is the ugliest, dumbest, silliest, loudest biped I’ve ever been unfortunate enough to set eyes upon. The only thing its presence guarantees is the waste of time and effort you’ve expended in digging it up from the galactic depths!”
    Unable to stand his frustration any longer, Alex stepped between them. “Centauri, dammit, talk to me! What’s going on here?”
    The old man turned to him, beaming with delight. “He’s saying how pleased he is that you’re here, and that if there’s anything he can do to make your stay more enjoyable just to give him a ring.”
    “Swell, but where are we?”
    “Oh, you should see your face, my boy! You love it, don’t you? I can tell by your ecstatic expression.”
    “That’s stark fear, Centauri, not ecstasy.”
    The oldster was momentarily nonplussed. “It is? Dear me, and I thought I had all your peculiar simian facial characteristics down pat. Ah, well, surface contortions can’t mask the true feelings underneath. I knew you would find this invigorating.” He swept one arm grandly around them. “Welcome to Rylos, my boy!”
    “Ry . . .?” Alex stared at his erstwhile mentor, slowly letting the import of what had just been said penetrate his brain. “Rylos.” Recognition flooded his expression. “Hey, wait. Rylos from the game ?” He pointed at the tall creature standing nearby. “He’s a Rylan?”
    “See?” Centauri turned quickly on the alien officer. “What did I tell you? He’s quick, very quick.”
    “What did he say?” the officer asked.
    “He immediately identified you as a Rylan.”
    “As soon as you identified this world as Rylos. Oh yes, truly a brilliant speciman of the humanoid line. No doubt he’d instantly identify you as an idiot if I informed him that you made your home in an asylum.”
    “You’re bein’ unnecessarily snide.” Centauri looked hurt. “No matter what you think of him now, you can’t deny his enthusiasm. See? He’s virtually speechless.”
    “Is that an emotional reaction or a reflection of his semantic limits?”
    “Entirely emotional.” Centauri utilized a Rylan half-wink. The officer considered the gesture appropriate, coming as it did from a half-wit. “He can’t wait to get started. You have to know how