Free Book Girl and the Captive Fool by Mizuki Nomura Page B

devoted to you calling me a coward and a liar, to you ordering me to carry out your one-sided desires, to curses on the past, to threats against me, and nothing else.
    You’re going to slit your wrists, you’re going to jump out a window, you’re going to drink poison—I want you to realize that writing these things down without giving it a second thought is foolishness that only diminishes your value.
    I thought you had more pride than that.
    I tried to understand that behind your apparent strength, you were possessed of a glasslike fragility, and that fragility hurts and consumes you. And that you are a prisoner of thepast and pray for vengeance. I’ve watched your pain and suffering, your despair, your battles, and your tears all this time.
    I wish with all my heart for your happiness. That’s why I want you to know that dishonorable, malicious acts will tear your heart to shreds. Since your happiness will be my atonement, I mean to help you and will do so eagerly, as long as your desires are the right ones.
    But I am not your slave.
    I will not blanch at your threats and come running.
    You are too dismissive of the man I am. You think I have no anger, no pain, no laments.
    If I was to reveal what I desire most at this moment, you wouldn’t be able to stop trembling. Of course, I’ll refrain from writing it here.
    My endurance is reaching its limit. I can’t stand it any longer. I feel myself going crazy. Although I brought this on myself, matters beyond my control keep cropping up, and I keep passing sleepless nights.
    Ever since the incident, I’ve believed I needed to be an honorable person. But now I’ve started to wonder who or what I have to be honorable for.
    My father?
    My mother?
    My friends?
    The past?
    The future?
    You?

    When I saw Akutagawa the next morning in class, he looked tired. I didn’t immediately call out to him, but he looked up and smiled.
    “Morning, Inoue.”
    His face was tranquil. My heart clenched as I awkwardly returned his greeting. “Morning, Akutagawa.”
    The day before, Takeda had said coolly, “We should leave it alone. I’m going to pretend like I didn’t see anything.”
    That was probably the way to do it. You shouldn’t stick your nose into other people’s business, especially if you’re not even friends. I should just treat him like I always did.
    But each time I looked at Akutagawa’s face, I was forced to remember what happened the day before. Even if we talked about it, I wouldn’t be comfortable.
    On the other hand, Kotobuki looked like she was still angry, and as soon as she saw me, she turned abruptly away and went over to Mori and the rest of her friends. That, too, was a vise on my heart.
    Fifth period today was homeroom, and we made preparations for the comic book café we were doing for the culture fair. Everyone was making signs to hang out front or billboards of anime drawings to display inside or shelves to put the books in.
    I was in the group making shelves and was cutting up cardboard with a box cutter.
    Akutagawa painted billboards.
    Several girls approached him, apparently to ask him to help with something. Akutagawa nodded and left his billboard, then went over to the standing signboard and pulled out a bent nail on the back support of the board before hammering in a new one.
    “Thanks, Akutagawa.”
    The girls thanked him exuberantly. Akutagawa said something to them with a placid expression and went back to his billboard. The girls looked over at him and chattered enthusiastically.
    “Man, Akutagawa’s as popular as ever,” I heard a boy working behind me say.
    “But he doesn’t want a girlfriend,” said another.
    “Wasn’t there a rumor that he was dating a girl in his class in first year? You know, that pretty one. Sarashina.”
    The instant they mentioned Sarashina’s name, my focus slipped and I lost my grip. It was right as I pulled the blade down on a piece of cardboard I was holding, and with the force behind the blade, I