Free Swell by Julie Rieman Duck Page A

home?”
    “It’s gonna be awhile, Beck,” she said, taking another gonzo sip.
    “That’s fine. So, okay?” I only wanted her promise.
    “Sure, I’ll take you.” And with that, I grabbed my own schooner of beer and spent the rest of the night shadowing Allison while Hillman kept a keen eye on me from a distance.

Chapter 10
     
     
     
     
     
    My skirt was off. I could te ll because my legs were cold until I felt hot flesh pressed against my thighs. He was on top of me, and by now I knew it was definitely Hillman. There was his red hair and rough-sand voice, but also his strong build and the pungent smell of cologne .
    After all these months of trying to fuck with me, freaking me out whenever possible, and staring me down like a piece of meat, Hillman was going to get what he wanted. It wouldn’t be becau se I was beautiful or smart or desirable. No. He wanted whatever he couldn’t have, especially if it belonged to his best friend. Like a sick kind of jealous.
    ≈
    There are things in life that make me feel like hell, like when I have the flu so bad that my b ed spins and I spend days with my head in a bucket. Or when I have a runny cold and cough during a heat wave and I have to be out in the sun. And mind-numbing period cramps that rip apart my stomach like an alien is trying to get out. Those things were hell, but nothing compared to the Thursday before school started.
    After Christian disappeared on me at Hillman’s house, I’d hitched a ride with a scary-drunk Allison. Most of the drive was downhill and she wasn’t very good at hitting the brakes when confronted with a red light. I wished that I’d had as much to drink as she did, so I wouldn’t feel worried about her crashing the car. The bathroom incident with Hillman, however, had more than sobered me from buzzing paradise.
    It was after midnight when I settled in my room and called Christian. If he was sick, he wouldn’t answer. If he saw it was me calling and felt bad about leaving unannounced, he wouldn’t answer.
    “Hello?” It figured he would answer. I’d hoped for his voicemail so I could record and re-record my message if necessary. Now I had to come up with something to say on the fly.
    “Christian, are you okay?”
    He cleared his throat. “Oh, yeah. I’m okay now.”
    “What happened? Hillman said you weren’t feeling well and went home.”
    “My stomach was bugging me. I couldn’t find you and I needed to go.” No sorry. No asking how I got home.
    “I don’t like that you just left me.” I popped a piece of gum in my mouth, chewing the juicy sugar right out of it and making sure it crackled in Christian’s ear.
    “It’s late, Beck. Let me call you tomorrow and we can go do something.”
    “I’m beginning to think you don’t want to do much of anything with me.” My throat was the first body part to fail in holding back my emotions. My blood was boiling and I felt like a reject. Here I was hanging on to the delusional hope that I was reading too much into things and that my boyfriend still wanted me. Christian’s lack of emotion and feeling told another story.
    “It’s not that. I’m just having a busy time with school coming up, running track, basketball... you know, getting ready for the year.”
    “But you don’t have enough time for me?” A drop of saltwater teetered on my eyelid, and I let it go. Defying gravity, it rolled down my cheek and into my nostril.
    “I don’t even have enough time for myself, Beck. Don’t you get it? I have to concentrate on school! I need to go to college!”
    “I don’t understand why, all of a sudden, your need to concentrate is keeping you from me.”
    He was silent for a long time. What stretched into 30 seconds left me with more tears running into my nose, and finally into my mouth and down under my chin, which dripped like the inside of a melting ice cave. Christian didn’t know I was crying until I did a throaty back-snort — something I always do when I’m