Free Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss Page B

than what it really is: feedback on what they’re doing. Every time you approach a group of people and something goes wrong, you’ve been presented with an opportunity to learn why they responded negatively and what you could have done to prevent that. If you possess the ability to learn from your mistakes, then failure is literally impossible, because each rejection brings you closer to perfection.
3.
It’s never her fault. Who do you blame when something goes wrong during an approach? If you catch yourself saying that a situation was impossible, the guys were jerks, or the woman was just a “bitch,” then you’re wrong. It was your fault. It’s always your fault. And that’s a good thing, because it means you’re in control. So never blame any person or situation. Instead, demonstrate a willingness to examine yourself and accept criticism without taking it personally . Only then can you accurately determine whether there was something you could have done to change the outcome, or if the outcome was truly unavoidable.
4.
Learn actively rather than passively. Just as you can’t learn to play football by watching videos and posting in football newsgroups, the only way to learn to attract women is from real-world experience. Anyone can sit in a seminar or buy a DVD and learn the principles, but the guys who win the game are the ones who can apply them.
5.
Don’t rehearse negative outcomes. One of the biggest problems men have when it comes to meeting women is that they rehearsenegative scenarios in their minds. Often, these become excuses not to go out and try something new. Instead, get out of the house, make a few approaches, and if any of these scenarios happens to occur in real life, then find out what to do. This isn’t skydiving: There’s little to no risk of actual harm from being unprepared.
6.
Understand how your mind learns. The psychological field of neurolinguistic programming (NLP) offers a useful four-step model of how the mind learns. It can serve as a yardstick to measure your progress.
    Unconscious incompetence: You’re doing something wrong, and you don’t even know you’re doing it wrong.
    Conscious incompetence: You’re doing something wrong, and you’re aware that you’re doing it wrong, but you haven’t yet fixed the problem.
    Conscious competence: You’ve learned the right way to do it, and you’re doing it correctly with focused attention.
    Unconscious competence: You no longer have to think about something or work on learning it—you automatically do it correctly. In the parlance of the game, this is when you finally become a so-called natural.
7.
Be willing to go through the pain period. This game is not an easy one. You’ll be forced to confront nearly every single thing that defines you—every emotion, every action, every belief. You’ll sometimes be apprehensive about approaching a particular woman, trying a new technique, or changing a behavior. What separates an amateur from a champion is the willingness to push through that fear and do it anyway. Here’s what Arnold Schwarzenegger, in his iron-pumping days, had to say about it: “If you can go through the pain period, you make it to be a champion. If you can’t go through it, forget it. And that’s what most people lack: having the guts—the guts to go in and just say… ‘I don’t care what happens.’”
8.
Don’t look to friends or family for approval. Not all of your friends and family will understand the journey you’re about to take.They may tell you that they don’t like how you’re changing. They may make fun of you for wanting to improve. That’s okay. It happened to me. It also happened to Oprah: When she lost weight, she lost friends. This surprised her at first, until she learned that her largeness had given them an excuse to feel better about their own bodies. So, when you