Free Jasper Jones by Craig Silvey Page A

queer?”
    “I’m not queer. Idiot.”
    “Secondly, the fact that he doesn’t
interest
you doesn’t mean he isn’t the best. You’re not the king of opinion. It just means you’re foolish and narrow-minded.”
    “No. It means you have no taste. And no idea what you’re talking about.”
    Jeffrey laughs. “Well, who’s better, then?” he asks.
    “Batman. Easy. The greatest superhero of them all.”
    “Batman?”
Jeffrey stops walking, and looks around as though he’s appealing to a jury. “You
are
queer!”
    “I’m telling you, Jeffrey. The greatest.”
    “Chuck, you’re an
idiot
! That is the stupidest thing I have
ever
heard. Batman isn’t even a superhero!”
    It’s my turn to stop.
    “Shut your mouth!” I slap the ball out of his hands. It skips down the street.
    “It’s true! He’s not a superhero!”
    “Jeffrey, you’re an idiot!”
    “
You’re
an idiot! Batman doesn’t have any superpowers. He’s not superhuman. He’s not
super
. So therefore he can’t be a
super
hero.”
    “Jeffrey,
what
are you talking about? He’s
Batman
!”
    “What does that even
mean
? Batman is just an eccentric billionaire with insomnia! He’s a vigilante, not a superhero. Because he doesn’t have
superpowers
. He just has a cool car and a handy belt.”
    “Jeffrey, you are insane. For a start, I disagree fundamentally that you need superpowers to be a superhero. But I would argue that he is super anyway, given that ‘super’ just means
greater than usual
. So in every aspect he
is
superhuman.”
    “So Doug Walters is a superhero because he possesses superhuman abilities?”
    “No, Doug Walters is an alcoholic. Are you listening? Batman is the
ultimate human
. He is flawless, yet he is capable of being flawed. He’s mastered the way of the ninja. He’s one of the world’s greatest scientists and detectives. His body is in peak condition. He is a man of unfathomable mental toughness. He
is
human perfection. He’s a Renaissance man. And it’s the fact that he is just a normal guy with a bumload of money and a burning vendetta that makes him the greatest. And because he can fight against and alongside people
with
superpowers. He is a superhero, and you,
sir
, are an idiot.”
    “Charles, you are the very
essence
of stupidity. I’ll say this slowly:
Batman does not have superpowers. He can’t be a superhero.
”
    I know I’m winning when he calls me Charles.
    “He doesn’t
need
superpowers. That’s my
point
. You’re an
idiot
. He can hold his own. He has an alter ego. He has a costume. He fights for Truth and Justice. He has arch-enemies. And he does all this without any weird mutations. He’s just really
determined
. That’s what makes him interesting. The fact that with enough dedication and desire, we could all be Batman. Bat
men
. Bat
people
. And that’s what makes him the best.”
    Jeffrey closes his eyes and puffs his cheeks.
    “You know I’m right, Jeffrey. It’s just like Lex Luthor doesn’t need superpowers to be a supervillain. It’s called
con
text. Look it up. It’s a goddamned comic. I win. You’re wrong. Doug Walters is a hero. Muhammad Ali is a hero. Batman is a
super
hero. Simple. And the thing that makes him the
best
superhero is exactly your stupid, ignorant assertion: that he’s just a guy. He is fallible. And unlike Superman, he requires courage.”
    “Charles, what the
fuck
are you flapping on about? Superman is
clearly
the bravest superhero. You’ve lost your
mind
. Superman invented courage. He steps in front of bullets. He doesn’t consider risk. He delves into danger without a moment of thought.”
    I spread my arms.
    “Of course he does! He’s Superman, you idiot! Jeffrey, he’s invulnerable.”
    “So what?” Jeffrey scrunches his face.
    “So that isn’t
courage
. He’s a man of
steel
, you retard. He’s invincible. He doesn’t need to be brave. If a bullet can’t possibly hurt you, how is it brave to stand in front of one?”
    Jeffrey