Free The Top Gear Story by Martin Roach Page B

neighbouring tent, before Hammond went off for a cup of tea with the site’s owner. At one point, Clarksonpulled out an AK-47 rifle, which he felt he might need for a weekend away with James May.
    After a bad night’s sleep, the next morning they went for a country walk with a grumpy Clarkson moaning about boredom; eventually they stopped to use their binoculars to spot interesting cars on a nearby A-road. On their return, Clarkson rustled up some food … only to set fire to the caravan! After various abortive attempts to put out the blaze, the next-door tent also catches fire. Eventually they make a swift exit as fire crews and sirens blare out, as if to advertise their stupidity. So, an advert for the joys of caravanning this was not.
    Notably, this particular feature did attract criticism in some quarters for being a little too scripted and forced; the team happily admit the ‘accidental’ caravan fire was staged for dramatic effect and that they paid the Emergency Services around £1,000 to attend the filming. Frankly, who cares? It was hilarious!
    Later, when appearing on the comic TV show Room 101 – where guests list certain items they hate – Clarkson sent a shower of things he detested into oblivion, including flies, The Last Of The Summer Wine , club-house snobbery at golf courses, vegetarians and … caravans! (Comedian Sean Lock later put Clarkson himself in his own selection for oblivion.)
    Of course kids in the post-Millennial world of stringent Health and Safety Regulations aren’t always allowed to play conkers. The Top Gear presenters might possibly argue that the same ban should apply to adults driving caravans …  

CHAPTER 7
‘How Hard Can It Be?’
    T op Gear ’s lavish production does not come cheap. According to some sources, a conservative estimate for a ‘normal’ show would be in excess of £100,000. However, executive producer Andy Wilman says they spend that ‘on crisps’. If the figure is wildly short of the mark, it still looks like good value to the BBC, who sell the programme on to numerous countries where it is watched by 350 million people. When you rake in the licensing, merchandising sales and rights as well as peripheral earnings, it makes for a sizeable income stream against the original cost. Given that The Simpsons is rumoured to cost over $1 million per episode, that might just make Top Gear look like the TV bargain of the century.
    It’s easy to see where all the money gets spent. One enduring feature of the programme has been the various madcap challenges the Top Gear team set themselves. At first, these challenges were more often quite short clips and stunts – a busjumping motorcycles, trying to run a car on poo or a nun driving a monster truck, for example. However, over time longer features started to creep in, often introduced by the presenters complaining about a certain problem within motoring, or perhaps a tricky issue facing car manufacturers preceded by the words, ‘How hard can it be?’ Although the phrase was not at first an official segment of the show, repeated use has turned it into a Top Gear perennial and one that is usually followed by a groan from the audience as everybody knows calamity is about to strike.
    A personal favourite in this category is the so-called ‘Toybota’ challenge, in the third episode of Series 8. This was a frankly ridiculous, laughable yet brilliant challenge. Back in the studio, the trio had been lamenting the lack of a viable car that could also drive into and travel through water. Periodically, various zany British inventions promised to revolutionise this area of transport but let’s face it, they never really caught on. Clarkson found this weird because we are, after all, an island nation and so Top Gear decided to do something about it.
    The production team gave the three colleagues just two days to make their own amphibious cars, without actually telling them what the