Free Hissers by Ryan C. Thomas Page B

with you?”
    “It’s called chivalry.”
    “It’s called I-don’t-care. I live that way.” He pointed to the right.
    “So you’re gonna let me run home alone in bare feet while everyone is eating each other?”
    “Yeah, that’s pretty much the plan.”
    “You know, you’re not just a geek, you’re a dick.”
    “Oh, as if you’ve ever been nice to me. Like I owe you anything.”
    “Nice to you? I don’t even talk to you! How can I be mean when I don’t talk to you?”
    “You don’t talk to me because you think I’m a geek.”
    “Well, you are a geek. And a jerky one at that. Try putting down your stupid video games for a minute and joining the rest of us who have social lives. You’re really not gonna come with me?”
    Seth patted his cargo jean pockets, fished his hands around in each one and then swore. “My PSP is gone.”
    Amanita threw her hands in the air. “Oh my God, are you serious? What the hell are we gonna do now? We have no PSP. We’re totally fucked.” She paused. “What the hell is a PSP?”
    “My video game console.”
    “Seth, forget the fucking video games. I’m running down to Maple in two seconds. If you’re not with me then I hope you die.”
    Tentatively, Amanita stuck her head out and scanned the street, saw it was still empty and eased down the driveway, past the car, and began to jog into the adjacent house’s lawn. Seth banged his head lightly against the side of the garage, listening to the incessant screams coming from everywhere, whispered, “Screw it,” and followed her.
    He caught up with her and ignored her middle-finger welcome. “Whatever, I’m a jerk. I’m here aren’t I? Stick to the fronts of the houses. If we have to, we can duck in bushes.”
    Her slight nod was the only confirmation she wasn’t going to slug him.
    They moved quietly across the lawn and onto the lawn of the next house, and then the next one after that. They made it all the way to the house at the intersection of Maple without incident, stopped behind a weeping willow tree on the property. Sirens and screams were still audible here. “Okay,” Seth said, “we jet across the street to that parked car, then up the lawn and stay close to these houses until we get to yours.”
    “Way ahead of you.”
    “Wait. Before we go, take back what you said.”
    “What? About you being a geek?”
    “No, about hoping I die.”
    Amanita put her head in her hands. “It was a joke.”
    “Wasn’t funny. I want an apolo—”
    “Oh for fuck’s sake, I’m sorry. Will you shut up before some face-eating asshole jumps out and kicks your ass?”
    “Apology accepted.”
    “Jesus fucking Christ.”
    “You know, you swear a lot.”
    “Yeah, well I’m sorry but a plane just crashed on my friend’s house and now people are biting each other to death and I’m a little messed up. I’m gonna swear a little bit, okay? You know for all the insults you claim I sling at you, you sure as shit have a lot to say about me.”
    Seth thought about that for a second. “Alright. Sorry.”
    “Good. Now let’s just do this, I want to get home.”
    “Okay then, Lara Croft, on three. One…two…”
    Someone hissed.
    Seth felt a shiver race through him. The hiss came again, close by. Directly to their left.
    Standing on the adjacent lawn, the one they’d just run across, was a man in his pajamas. He was covered in dark stains, his hair wild, his eyes yellow orbs, sniffing the air like a wolf. The front of his pajama top was torn open and a wound like a red saucer was oozing fluids over his right pectoral. He stepped toward the willow tree.
    Seth and Amanita huddled together, rotating around the tree trunk as the hissing man drew closer. He stopped short, turned and ambled onto the street, moving jerkily as if he’d been given new legs, chuffing with his mouth open the whole time.
    Both Seth and Amanita fought back the urge to scream as the clouds parted and illuminated the man with moonlight.
    The man had