Free Into Death's Arms by Mary Milligan Page A

father wore black. Deanna wore white. Death and life . Laurna wore white. O nce white had been the col or of mourning. We still use it but I didn’t tell Laurna . I should have. I was wearing white . I t was supposed to symbolize my leaving this life for the new one I was about to embark on. Like a wedding dress, I suppose , but the last time I’d worn a white dress had been to my mother’s funeral. That was not helping my confidence.
        I stepped forwar d , walking barefoot in the grass. God, how I love d walking barefoot in the grass, the cool feel sliding between my toes, the soft blades tickling my feet as I took the next step, the sweet smell that enveloped me with each step. I hoped fervently this wouldn’t be the last time I ever got to do so.
           I loved the way the sun felt on my skin. I took another deep breath. I loved the pride in my father’s eyes and the way he always supported me even when I was wrong. I loved Laurna for her straight laced demeanor and her stiff sense of humor. I just had one more thing to take care of in case I didn’t survive. “Father,” I knelt before Father Mike , “I owe you an apology. No matter how I felt, I should not have spoken to you as I did. It was disrespectful.” There I had said it . I had admitted I was wrong . I f I died, I could do it with a clean conscious. I didn’t like it, but it was said.
          He smiled lighting up that little grey face with a kind of inner joy . I felt it all the way to my toes. “You are Caden’s daughter , aren’t you?” H e took my hands. His hands were smooth , t he hands of a scholar. I nodded. H e said the words I ’d been hoping for , “ I forgive you. Step into the li ght child.”  I did as I was told . My skin heated. “Today, we offer up this daughter unto you. It is our hope that she will serve you well . A s all Ao have served over the years. Are you ready to accept the light into your heart child?”
           I took one more deep breath. I still wasn’t sure I was worthy , but looking into Father Mike ’s eyes left me with but one answer. “Yes, I am.” My voice sounded over loud in the silence of the yard. I wondered what would happen, what would it feel like? A nd then it happened . T he light burned through me. My organs burned. My skin was on fire. It tightened. I felt like someone had pulled a latex suit on over my entire body. Oh God , how could anyone survive this? I was wrong . I wasn’t worthy. 
       I tasted blood in my mouth I and I choked on it.
       I felt my eyeballs melting. I smelled burning flesh and tried not to retch. I was able to answer the age-old question is it possible for your hair to hurt? Yes , it is! I opened my mouth to scream and felt fire burn my tongue and teeth. I screamed anyway. I actually felt the moment my organs liquefied. I felt it shoot through my body , and then like a flash bulb goi ng off my brain was scorched. I saw my mom, my dad, Laurna, and Dayton Tameron, weird that he was the last person I thought about before consciousness left me .
         I came to, to th e sound of Laurna crying. T hat and the soft hum of a tattoo needle. Did I mention that we get tattooed when we ascended? Yeah, that didn’t hurt though. The thing that happened before , that had hurt. Now I just ached everywhere. There was no room for any more pain. Someone could have put a pickaxe through my skull at that point , and I wouldn’t have felt it. Deanna smiled that serene smile at me again. I was beginning to hate that smile. I wondered if she look ed like me when she had ascended or if she smiled that peaceful fucking smile and kept going. “Someone is conscious.”
         “Is it done, ” I croaked. Was that my voice? I sounded awful, really awful. Like I’d drunk acid. I still smelled burning flesh and blood like my nose was full of it.
           My fathe r leaned down close to my face so I could see him. My vision was all blurry. “All except for the