Free Daddy Next Door by Judy Christenberry Page A

to the car and find them.” A sob stole her voice then and robbed her of breath. When she steadied herself, she said, “But for the past month every night I run farther and farther to get to the car. Tonight I never got there.”
    She looked into Jennifer’s eyes and fresh tears bathed her cheeks. “I never saw them. Not tonight.”
    Jennifer wished the social workers had included grief counseling in their brief session when she’d gone to pick up the girls. She certainly needed it now. But she’d had no idea that Steffi suffered so much, that she was up every night with terrible nightmares. She followed her instincts.
    “Steffi, I think it’s part of the process of grieving—of losing your parents. You may not reach them in your dream, but you’ll always have them in your heart.”
    Steffi nodded but she clearly wasn’t mollified. “But I’m forgetting what they look like. I can’t close my eyes and picture them anymore.”
    Jennifer felt her heart break in two. Overcome bythe child’s grief, she could only take her in her arms and cry with her.
    After a few minutes, she got an idea. “Do you have any pictures of your parents?” she asked.
    Steffi shook her head. “The lady who took us from our house didn’t let us take much.”
    How horrible, Jennifer thought. To lose your parents and your home at such a young age. Plus, she knew how seriously Steffi took the role of older sister. On top of all her emotional pain, Steffi still had to be strong for Annie and Missy.
    Someone needed to be strong for her now. Not someone. Her.
    “I tell you what,” she soothed, forcing a facsimile of a smile. “You leave it to me and I’ll see what I can do about getting a picture for you so you won’t ever forget them.” First thing tomorrow morning she’d put in a call to social services and to her uncle. “Okay?”
    When Steffi nodded, Jennifer stood up. “Now, let’s get you back to bed.”
    After she had kissed Steffi good-night, she went back into the kitchen. Absently she took a sip of her leftover coffee and spit it into the sink when she found it ice cold. She plopped into a chair and buried her face in her hands, letting her tears flow freely.
    Whatever had led her to believe she could do this? What skills did she have to be a mother to Steffi, Annie and Missy?
    She fell to pieces at their pain, didn’t have theanswers to make everything all right. Wasn’t that what a parent was supposed to do? A good parent, anyway.
    Before this, her life was in complete control. She’d been able to handle every crisis that occurred, though admittedly there weren’t many of them.
    But with the girls, problems seemed to pop up often. She was struggling to keep herself organized and take care of everything.
    What if she couldn’t do it? What if she failed as a mother? In the past, if she had an off day, it only affected her. Now an off day affected Steffi, Missy and Annie. Jennifer couldn’t allow that, not when the girls had already suffered so much.
    Normally, she was a glass-half-full person, but now being positive seemed impossible. She was in way over her head. And she was drowning.
    Not only with the girls but with Nick.
    No matter how she tried, she couldn’t deny the attraction she felt for Nick Barry. She was drowning, all right. Going down for the third time, with no life raft in sight. As a new mother she had no business thinking about a man! She would banish the attraction from her thoughts—it simply had no place in her new life. Drawing a deep breath, she relaxed her fists.
    No matter what happened, she vowed she would keep her family together. She wasn’t going to be like her father or her mother. But that fear had been growing in her. The first day had been easy, but the girls askedquestions she couldn’t always answer. Especially Missy, asking about Nick.
    And now she’d been rude to Nick again.
    She decided that was at least one thing she could correct easily enough. Drawing another steadying