Free A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby Page B

come and talk to her. She’s had, she’s had like a rough evening, and maybe a little chat would help calm her down.’
    Chas laughed. It was the hollow, desperate laugh of a man who knew that, when it came to calming Jess down, several elephant tranquilizers would be much more useful than a little chat.
    ‘You know I haven’t had sex since that night we went out, don’t you?’
    ‘I didn’t know that, Chas, no. How would I know? Where would I have read that?’
    ‘I’ve been too scared. I can’t make that mistake again. I can’t have another woman shouting at me in the cinema. I don’t mind, you know, never having sex again. It’s better that way. I’m twenty-two. I mean, by the time you’re sixty, you don’t feel like it anyway, right? So we’re only talking forty years. Less. I can live with that. Women are fucking maniacs, man.’
    ‘You don’t want to think shit like that, man. You’ve just had some bad luck.’
    I said this because I knew it was the right thing to say, notbecause my experience told me anything different. It wasn’t true that women were fucking maniacs, of course it wasn’t – just the ones that I had slept with and Chas had slept with.
    ‘Listen. If you came outside and had a little chat, what’s the worst that could happen?’
    ‘She’s tried to kill me twice and she got me arrested once. Plus, I’m banned from three pubs, two galleries and a cinema. Plus, I’ve had an official warning from…’
    ‘OK, OK. So you’re saying the worst that could happen is, you die a painful and violent death. And I say to you, my friend, that it’s better to die like a man than hide underneath grills like a mouse.’
    Maureen had stood up and come to join us in our dark barbecue corner.
    ‘I’d try to kill you, if I were Jess,’ she said quietly – so quietly that it was hard to square the violence of the words with the timidity in the voice.
    ‘There you go. You’re in trouble wherever you look.’
    ‘Who the fuck’s this now?’
    ‘I’m Maureen,’ said Maureen. ‘Why should you get away with it?’
    ‘Get away with what? I didn’t do anything.’
    ‘I thought you said you had sex with her,’ Maureen said. ‘Or maybe you didn’t say that in so many words. But you said you hadn’t had sex since. So I’m thinking that you slept with her.’
    ‘Well, we had sex that once. But I didn’t know she was a fucking maniac then.’
    ‘So once you find out that the poor girl is confused and vulnerable, that’s when you run away.’
    ‘I had to run away. She was chasing me. With a knife, half the time.’
    ‘And why was she chasing you?’
    ‘What is this? Why is it your business?’
    ‘I don’t like to see people upset.’
    ‘What about me? I’m upset. My life is a shambles.’
    Now, see, Chas couldn’t know, but that wasn’t such a good line of argument to use with any of our crowd, the Toppers’ House Four. We were, by definition, the Kings and Queens of Shambles.Chas had given up on sex, whereas we were trying to decide whether to give up on fucking life.
    ‘You have to talk to her,’ said Maureen.
    ‘Fuck off,’ said Chas. And then, womp! Maureen popped him as hard as she could.
    I can’t tell you how many times I’d watched Eddie pop someone at a party or after a show. And he’d probably say the same thing about me, although in my memory I was the Man of Peace, with only the occasional lapse into violence, and he was the Man of War, with only the occasional moment of calm and clarity. And OK, Maureen was like this little old lady, but watching her take a swing really brought it all back home.
    Here’s the thing about Maureen: she had a lot more guts than I had. She’d stuck around to find out what it would feel like, never to live the life she had planned for herself. I didn’t know what those plans were, but she had them, same as everybody, and when Matty came along, she’d waited around for twenty years to see what she’d be offered as a