Free Losing Francesca by J. A. Huss Page B

we're gonna spend the whole summer hanging out and I'm not allowed to get to know you even in the most basic and simple ways? Is that how this is gonna go, Fee?"
    She lies back next to me and turns on her side, her eyes searching mine. "Why do you insist that I am her? I'm not her, Brody. This fact will hurt you if you don't accept it and I don't want to hurt you. You're nice, I like you, but I'm not that girl."
    "I want you to be her." I tell her truthfully. "I so, so want you to be her, Francesca. I cannot even explain how much I want to talk to her again. How much I want to tell her about all the days we never shared, to tell her that I thought of her at the end of every single one of them and that I prayed to God for years, every night, on my fucking knees, that she'd come back. I want to give her the Fruit Roll-Up I brought to school that first day back after summer vacation. That stupid Fruit Roll-Up that I still have hidden away, because I had this faith as a kid. This unwavering faith that only a kid can have that one day my friend would be back. And when she finally showed up, I'd give her that stupid snack to show her how much I missed her. And to prove myself to her. Because that little girl was my soulmate."
    She frowns so deep it makes me hold my breath.
    "I'm sorry," I say, turning my head to stare up at the sky. "I shouldn't tell you this stuff, I'm sorry." I'm projecting, that's what I'm doing. I want Francesca to be my Fee so bad I'm starting to believe it myself, even as she sits here and tells me straight up she's not her.
    Her hand touches my cheek and I look back over.
    "You can ask me one question, but it can't be about my other life."
    I laugh. "What good does that do me?"
    "Well, you can ask about things, but not my family, or school, or the places I've lived."
    "Give me a for example , because I'm not seeing the difference."
    She sighs and turns away, biting on her thumbnail a little. "OK," she says, turning back. "For example, I'll ask you the first question and you answer, then I'll answer the same question for you."
    I smile.
    She chews on her bottom lip this time. Clearly she is nervous. "All right, tell me about the best day of your life."
    I sit up and stare down at her. "The best day of my life?"
    She nods.
    "Today, Fee. The best day of my life is today."

Chapter Fifteen - Francesca

    I'm not sure if that's all he's got to say, or if he's doing the whole dramatic pause thing they teach you in speech class. So I just wait it out. He looks over at me, the pain coming across so clear in his expression.
    It occurs to me then, he is not kidding about how he feels about this Fiona girl. This isn't a joke.
    "My mom told us—well, Renn, my older brother, and me—the night before school started. I think Renn already knew, he's six years older than me, so he was almost thirteen. But even though I hadn't seen Fee since she left for vacation in June, I was excited because she was going to start first grade. I was in third," he says, stopping to smile at me. "She rode the bus in kindergarten too, but she had the afternoon class, so she was never on the morning bus. And I'd been wanting to give her my snack all year, but I always ended up eating it at lunch, so I never had a snack for her on the bus home."
    I reach over and drag a stray hair out of his eye and this unnerves him for a second, because he stops to smile at me before he continues.
    "But this was first grade, all-day school, unlike kindergarten, which is just half a day. She'd be on the morning bus and the afternoon bus. And man, I tell you, I was so fucking excited at this change in fate, I could barely stand it." He stops again, this time to let out a long sigh. "It made no sense to me, ya know?" His eyes search mine. "That one day she's there and the next day she's gone."
    "That's how death happens," I say, then immediately regret it. "I mean, not that she's dead, but I had this dog once and every day I'd go outside and feed the chickens and