towards me, the crunch of it against my eye socket, the flash of camera bulbs, clubs, the coke… everything.
I take a deep breath. “He’s seeing Lisa, or at least he was. She sent him a booty call while I was over there.”
“Yeah.”
“You knew?”
“I know Lisa gets around. Is that really any surprise?”
“But of all the girls in Rosie, Jem. I mean, come on. It’s just cruel. He’s fucking the one girl who made my life hell.”
“ Was fucking,” Jemma corrects.
“That’s not making it better.”
“What did he say about it?”
“What you’d expect, that I had the wrong idea, that he wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Maybe he’s telling the truth.”
“Maybe you’re defending him.”
Jemma holds her hands up. “Hey, I don’t think he’s as bad as everyone makes out. I don’t think a lot of Millertown people are. You can’t just tarnish them all with the same brush.”
“Perhaps.”
“How does he make you feel?”
I actually smile, a ray of sun breaking through the sun shower. “Amazing. Alive… Sexy.”
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
It’s a very good question. Am I overreacting?
Jemma’s nodding.
“I didn’t say anything.”
She taps the side of her nose. “But I know what you are thinking, and Dan?”
Dan and Jemma are good friends, which has always been a danger, but I know she would never go ‘there’ without speaking to me first, especially since recent events.
“Hmm,” I start, “Dan. He’s great.”
“Great? That’s the best you can come up with?”
“Perfect, okay? He’s hot, he’s stable, he’s everything a girl could want.”
“But?”
“But, I don’t know. As good as it was with him that night, I can’t stop thinking about Storm. It’s insane.” I tap the side of my head. “You’d think I’d know how to use this thing by now.”
“Dan’s got issues too, you know.”
“PTSD, right?”
Jemma looks genuinely surprised. “How’d you know?”
“I found a letter at his place for an appointment with some vets association.”
“You were snooping around his place?”
“No! Not snooping. It was just there, right in front of me. Is it bad?”
“He’s made a lot of progress. When he got back he didn’t leave the house for months, but being back on the job’s been good, I think. It gives him something to focus on. He’s really started to clean things up.”
“So everyone keeps telling me.”
“He’s really into you, you know.”
“Yes, I realize that.”
“So, you can’t string him on if you really want to be with someone else.”
I hold my head. “I know, I know. It’s killing me, Jem. It really is.”
The sky is a bright dome overhead. I swing my legs back and forth. “There was a picture of him with a girl, an army chick.”
“Amy.”
“Amy?”
“Yeah, they dated in Afghanistan. They were really close. I mean, about-to-get-married close.”
“What happened?”
“She was shot,” Jemma presses a finger into her chest, “right here. Died in his arms back at the base. He left a week later.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah, heavy stuff. I don’t know if he’d want me telling you all about it, but there you go.”
“I had no idea.”
Jemma nods. “I think that’s why he’s a little distant, you know? He doesn’t want to get hurt again.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. That’s the last thing I want to do.”
“But you might have to, and if you do I’ll be here for the both of you, whatever you decide.”
I still don’t know how I’ve managed to keep a friend like Jemma all these years, even after I ignored her calls and messages during those first few months with him . I barely remember any of it, snorting, VIP rooms… constant media scrutiny. How I managed to keep writing and hold down a job is a small miracle I was so buzzed.
I try to change the subject. “Anyhow, where’s your bad boy?”
“Oh, I’ve had more than my fair share, Al. Trust me on that.”
“Come