Free Divine: A Novel by Aven Jayce Page B

the entire
space and take care of everything myself. Fuck her. And I’m sure she’ll tell
the entire campus I didn’t include her in the show. I know it. I’m never
speaking to her or opening another email from her again. Evil wench.
    I’m going to quit. This place is a joke.
Why do I bother to teach students when they have better odds of becoming
professional football players than designers? I’m wasting my time and so are
they. There’s nothing they can do with this degree when it’s from such an
unknown program out in who-knows-where Pennsylvania.
    See, anger. It penetrates my every pore
when I’m here, and for my mental health, it seems best to skip out. Not
necessarily go home, but have a personal
workday in my office.
    I leave a sign in my classroom that reads
‘class is cancelled due to illness’ and then I lock myself in my office with my
book. Hell yes, I brought it with me, Dan’s bag as well. It’s on the floor next
to my desk just in case I want to sneak a peek.
    And I can write today too. I can spend
the next seven hours holed up in my office working, sneaking out only to pee
and to get a drink and snacks from the vending machine. Evade and escape.
    Now, back to the Cowgirl in the Pig Pen . Chapter two.
    “There she is, Bucky, the prettiest cowgirl in all of
S&M Ranch. She’s gonna hold my stiff reins and yank ‘em ‘til the cows come
home.”
    “Eew-wee, I don’t know how you get all the pretty ladies to
touch your pecker. I had Lee Ann in my sack last night and all she did was toot
beans out her ass.”
    “Take the horses in while I get my willy wet, would ya?”
    “Sure thing, Duke. But don’t let her father see. He’s been
known to throw a man off his land for lesser.”
    Bucky walks to the pen where Daisy Mae’s knee-deep in pig
mud. A fat swine that Duke’s thinking about killin’ for dinner shits on her
leg. The smell and the dark slop makes Duke’s dick grow hard. Shittin’ on women
is one of his favorite pastimes. He likes it better than fucking the ranch
hands ‘round the campfire at night.
    “Daisy-Mae, I like what I’m seeing here. You and these pigs
got me ready for a haystack lay. Whatya say?”
    “Duke,” she shakes her head. “My Daddy will whip your behind
if he finds your hands on me.”
    “How ‘bout if they’re not on ya, but in ya?”
    This is hideous. One of those books so
bad it becomes a cult classic. I love it.
    Duke lifts Daisy-Mae over his shoulder and carries her off
to the barn. He flops her down on a pile of hay and rips her shirt open as she
fights to get away then succumbs to the beast he pulls out of his pants.
    “It’s crooked, Duke.”
    “It got stuck in the barn door one day. When Bucky and me
see a man with his pecker hanging out we tell ‘em his barn door’s open so he
knows to tuck it in. If he don’t, that barn door’s gonna get him too.”
    “Does it still work?”
    He pulls her dress over her head and has a look see at her
snake bush.
    “Eeeek!” she screams when his crooked pecker disappears
behind her thicket. “Wrong hole! Wrong hole!”
    This is hilarious. And it’s so much
better than spending an hour lecturing twenty students on why some forms of
Photoshop manipulation may be unethical. Go, Duke!
    “Daisy-Mae, you have a fine back end, and when I see a bush-a-bleeding,
I know the rear’s the right hole to go a breeding.”
    “You can’t get me pregnant back there. Breeding doesn’t
happen in my back hole.”
    “Daisy-Mae!”
    “Daddy!”
    Oh shit, here we go. I knew that was
coming.
    “You lettin’ this peckerwood inside ya? Didn’t Mama tell you
to feed the pigs, and here you are, acting like one. I’m gonna have to teach
this boy a lesson for takin’ you away from your chores.”
    “Daddy, please! He’s got a crooked Willy. I like it.”
    “Crooked? Let me see that Pecker, Duke.”
    Duke pulls out of Daisy-Mae and holds his peckerwood in his
hand.
    “Well I’ll be a one-legged chicken in a fox hole.