Free The case of the missing books by Ian Sansom Page B

know.'
    'What do you usually get in libraries?'
    'Drunks?'
    'No!'
    'Ach,' said Ted. 'I don't know.'
    'Books.'
    'Books?'
    'Yes. Books. Books! There are no books.'
    Ted looked round at the empty library. 'Aye,' he agreed.
    'No books at all,' said Israel.
    'Are you sure though? Are they not through there?' said Ted, pointing to the other main room.
    'No.'
    'That's where I thought they were.'
    'Well, they're not there now.'
    'No?'
    'No. They're gone.'
    'Ach.'
    'Maybe someone's moved them?'
    'Aye.'
    'Or stolen them.'
    'Aye, right.'
    'Well, anyway, I'd better ring Linda.'
    'Ach,' said Ted dismissively.
    'What do you mean "Ach"? What does that mean, "Ach"?'
    'Ach, it's just Linda. You know.'
    'No. I don't. How am I supposed to know? What am I, psychic?'
    'Now, listen, if I wanted cheek, son, I could go down to Belfast and get some.'
    'Well. Honestly.'
    'Aye, well, you want to watch—'
    'What is it about Linda then?'
    'Ach. You know what they say.'
    'No. I don't. I don't know. That's the point.'
    'The rotten egg keeps the nest the longest.'
    'Sorry?'
    'Ach, nothin'.'
    'Fine. Right. Just keep it to yourself then. I'll just have to ring her.'
    'If you have to.'
    'Yes. I do,' said Israel officiously.
    He tried to ring Linda on his mobile phone.
    'Erm. Actually, Ted, have you got a mobile phone then? I can't seem to get a signal on mine…'
    Israel's conversation with Linda Wei, Deputy Head of Entertainment, Leisure and Community Services was brief and to the point and twenty minutes later she was there.
    Ted was sitting outside smoking. 'He's inside,' he said to Linda, factually.
    Back home in England Israel would have been at the discount bookshop at the Lakeside Shopping Centre in Thurrock, Essex, by now, maybe getting a morning coffee and a muesli bar from Starbucks, or trading repartee and bon mots with his colleagues, and chatting about the new paperback bestsellers. Instead, he was sitting at the top of the steps of the false staircase in the empty library of Tumdrum, gingerly prodding at the egg-sized bump on his head. Also, he was wondering if he was maybe getting cappuccino withdrawal symptoms. When he got back to London he'd probably have to go into therapy.
    'Well,' said Linda, as she waddled in. She was wearing a tomato-red blouson leather jacket.
    'No books,' said Israel, coming down the stairs.
    'Hmm,' said Linda, producing a crumpled bag of sweets from her pocket. 'Fudge?'
    'No, thanks.'
    Linda paused and burped. 'Oops. Excuse me. I've got white mice in here as well,' she said. 'Pick'n'Mix.'
    'No, thanks. You've not got any headache tablets though, have you?'
    'No, what for?'
    'For a headache.'
    'No. Sorry.' Linda looked in her bag. 'Liquorice?'
    'No, thanks.'
    'Anyway,' said Linda, 'what's happened to you? Your clothes are—'
    'Yes. I had to borrow them.'
    'And what happened to your eye?'
    'Don't ask—'
    'It looks terrible.'
    'Yeah. Well—'
    'And you know your glasses are a wee bit—'
    'Yes, it's—'
    'Is that masking tape?'
    'Yes, I—'
    'And have you bumped your head or something?'
    'Yes, Linda. But don't let me bore you with the details. Now about the books?'
    Linda popped a liquorice twirl in her mouth. 'Yes. Well,' she said. 'Where have they all gone, I wonder?'
    'I don't know,' said Israel. 'I was hoping you could tell me. That's kind of why I called you.'
    'Mmm. They're supposed to be here.'
    'But they're not,' said Israel.
    'No. Ach.'
    '"Ach"? What is this "Ach"?'
    'Ach?'
    'Yes! "Ach!" You all say it all the time. It's…'
    'Well, I do apologise,' said Linda, in a way that suggested she was not apologising at all.
    'Yes. Well. What do you think's happened to the books? Someone's moved them?'
    'Not as far as I'm aware.'
    'So, what do you think?' said Israel. 'Someone's stolen them?'
    'They must have done,' said Linda seriously, sucking on her liquorice. 'Is there any sign of a forced entry?'
    'I don't know. I couldn't see anything. But I'm not an expert. Shouldn't we just call the police? They'll know what to