Free Jackson's Dilemma by Iris Murdoch Page B

haven’t they. This room is all the same, except I’ve moved things about a bit.’
    ‘I see the old elephant is in his place on the mantelpiece.’
    ‘Yes, would you believe it, they had put him away in a cupboard, I had to search for him! How you all must miss Uncle Tim.’
    ‘We do. We’ve been missing you too.’
    ‘Oh Benet, you are just the same, your hair stands on end so thick and red and ruffled, like it used to, not a bit of grey, you are so handsome and your eyes - your eyes are so blue -’
    Anna threw her arms round Benet’s neck, he felt her hair warm upon his cheek, he put his arm around her waist. They released each other. They had known each other for a long time, in fact Benet claimed to have introduced Anna, then twenty, to Lewen Dunarven, then thirty. He had met and known them both separately in London, Anna as a friend of Elizabeth Loxon, who was a friend of Mildred, and Lewen as a frequenter of the British Library. He had also sorted things out for Anna after Lewen, a distinguished Irish scholar, had so unexpectedly died. He had known Anna’s mother, who had died in France after Anna’s departure there ‘for ever’. The boy, now nine, or was it ten, years old, had never known his father.
    Standing apart, they held hands, surveying each other, then releasing their hands and becoming sombre.
    ‘So what happened to Marian, do you know anything?’
    ‘We know nothing,’ said Benet. ‘I was wondering if you had any clues or ideas -’
    ‘You don’t think I’m harbouring her?’
    ‘Of course not!’ said Benet. He had however now reached the stage of anything being possible. Women take refuge with women. He could at least attempt to picture the degree of despair which must have occasioned Marian’s missive. Surely she must be with someone - unless some terrible thing had occurred.
    Anna, reading his mind, said, ‘I might have taken her in, but I haven’t!’
    ‘She was very fond of you.’
    ‘And I of her. I have no idea where she might be. I have been so long away.’
    ‘Of course - Oh Anna, it is so dreadful -’
    ‘What did the letter say - just that she had decided not to get married -?’
    ‘Yes. That - and saying sorry.’
    ‘What a shock. Poor Edward. Look, let us sit down.’
    They left the window and sat upon the big red velvet settee. Benet looked up at the elephant. He turned to her saying:
    ‘It was so kind of you to come for the - we are all hoping that now you will stay.’
    ‘I might stay, yes, but -’
    ‘Really, stay, and live here, in your own house, not go back to France?’
    ‘Yes, of course I’d live in France too - but I don’t know. I might rent the house again later on.’
    ‘You are as beautiful as ever. I love your green dress.’
    Anna laughed. ‘Do you mind if I smoke? I know you don’t.’ She reached out for the packet of cigarettes which was lying in the large blue glass bowl upon the long low table in front of them. She lit the cigarette, trembling a little and smiling. She said, ‘Would you like a drink, would you like to stay to lunch?’
    He thought, she will soon be in tears, I mustn’t stay, anyway I can’t stay. ‘I’m sorry I can’t - but could you come and have dinner with me tonight?’
    ‘No. I’m afraid I’ve got another -’
    ‘Oh Anna, we were all so happy, and now it’s pure hell -’
    ‘Are you sure you - all right - but I want to see you again very soon. I may want your advice.’ ,
    ‘Oh heavens — I would do my best! Now I must go and see Edward, poor devil.’
    Anna, who used previously to ‘put up’ her hair in some neat and ingenious mass, now had it undone, tossed back, a smooth rill of straight pale-yellow hair reaching almost to her waist. She raised her hand now to her smooth clear brow, as if enquiring what her hair was up to. Benet gazed at her. Owen, who admired her and had painted her, said she had the calmest woman’s face he had ever seen. Her face, devoid of make-up, displayed the faintest