Free Crystal Lies by Melody Carlson Page A

through their drinking and partying era. I swear that’s the year when my hair went completely gray.” She patted her head. “Of course, I don’t have to tell the whole world about that.” She smiled. “ButI can remember those sleepless nights when I felt certain I’d be called to the emergency room to identify one of my sons.”
    I nodded. “I’ve had those exact same thoughts.”
    “And I can remember praying the same things over and over again.” She sighed. “It was always, ‘Keep them safe, God. Just take care of them until they can take care of themselves.’”
    “That’s pretty much what my prayers sound like. That and ‘Help!’ I seem to be praying, ‘Help me, help me,’ more and more these days.”
    She sort of laughed. “Yes, I remember doing that too. But then I had a little breakthrough. I’m sure I’ve told you this before.”
    “What?” I asked, trying to recall whatever bits of wisdom she’d passed along to me in the past.
    “Oh, you know, the letting-go thing.”
    I nodded but only vaguely remembered. “Yes, but maybe I need to hear it again.”
    “Well, it was one of those nights when Mark was away at college and not doing too well. And then Matthew had started partying at the end of his senior year.”
    “Right. I remember.”
    “And I just felt as if I was at the end of my rope. And I was praying for both of them one night when I couldn’t sleep, and it suddenly occurred to me that if God had created both of my sons—you know, knit them in my womb as it says in that psalm—well, then it was like they were his sons too. And I just figured, well, if God is really God, then he should be perfectly capable of taking care of my boys, and much better than I could. And so I just told God, ‘Hey, they are your boys, and I expect you to be taking care of them.’ Then I thanked him and said ‘amen.’ And that became sort of a regular prayer for me. I called it my letting-go-and-letting-God prayer, and it really seemed to bring a sense of peace.”
    “I wish I could do that,” I admitted. “But I get tied up in knots withworry. And I lie awake in bed just trying to come up with answers and solutions, ways to help Jacob get back on track.”
    “Maybe it’s a timing thing.”
    “Timing?”
    “Maybe God will put the letting-go prayer in your heart when you’re really ready to let Jacob go.”
    “Let him go?” I tried to imagine such a thing. “You know, and let God look after him.”
    “That sounds good, Sherry. But maybe you’re right. Maybe it is a timing thing, because right now I feel like Jacob doesn’t have anyone who loves him or cares about him anymore. Except for me.”
    “And God?”
    “Yes, I suppose God cares about him too.”
    “But not Geoffrey?”
    “I don’t think so. I really felt like Geoffrey was completely washing his hands of Jacob. Like that was it. Finished, over and done with.”
    “Maybe just temporarily.”
    “Let’s hope so.” I unwound the napkin from my finger and set it aside. “How about Sarah?” I rolled my eyes.
    “Still acting as if she doesn’t care?”
    “I don’t think it’s an act, Sherry. She really seems to dislike her brother.”
    “I’m sure she just dislikes how he’s acting.”
    “Don’t be so sure. Sarah is my daughter, and I love her dearly, but she can be a little narcissistic at times. She and her father react in a similar way when it comes to someone, even a member of their own family, inconveniencing them or making them look bad.”
    “Like the time she brought her college friend home, and Jacob came home plastered.”
    I wanted to say,“You mean stoned,” but didn’t. “Yeah, little things like that.”
    “Well, I’m sure she was embarrassed.”
    “Of course, we all were. But it’s no reason to disown your brother.”
    “No, but she’s still young. She’ll probably grow out of it.”
    “You mean like her father has?” I could hear the trace of bitterness in my voice.
    But Sherry didn’t