Free Thirteen Senses by Víctor Villaseñor Page B

he’d just sharpened to this licked part of his forearm to test the sharpness of the blade. The knife shaved a little, two-finger-wide portion of his forearm as clean and smooth as a baby’s ass.
    â€œPretty good, eh?” said Salvador, seeing how Tomas had watched the whole procedure very carefully. “But I think I should still strap it first.”
    â€œBut what are we going to do?” asked Tomas, having finally got caught up in the details of what was going on about him.
    Salvador loved details; they were the lifeblood of any well-laid plan.
    â€œWell, of course, I’m going to castrate these two little pigs,” said Salvador.
    Tomas glanced at the two little pigs, who were rooting happily in a corner of the barn, digging at the earth with their noses. They looked so cute and happy and peaceful.
    â€œPoor little things,” said Tomas, suddenly looking greatly relieved. “But then why did you bring me along? I don’t understand.”
    Just then, Archie’s big Hudson car came roaring up outside, right on schedule.
    â€œWho’s that?” asked Tomas.
    â€œArchie,” said Salvador, “but don’t worry. I’ll tell him that everything is okay.”
    The barn door burst open and in stepped Archie, filling the entire doorway like a big studhorse. “Just stopped by,” he said, full of power, “to say hi and see if everything is okay.”
    â€œEverything is fine,” said Salvador, calmly.
    â€œOh, yes, everything is fine,” said Tomas, looking even more relieved to see the law.
    â€œGood, then I’ll be seeing you,” said Archie, and he turned and left as quickly as he’d come, and they could all hear his big Hudson changing gears as it went roaring back up on El Camino and headed north back to town.
    â€œBut I don’t get it,” said Tomas, feeling very confident now. “If you’re just going to castrate some pigs, then why did you bother to bring me all the way out here?”
    â€œBecause,” said Salvador, suddenly stepping in close, as the two Moreno boys—who were some of the greatest horsemen in all the Southland—now roped Tomas with the riatas that they’d been playing around with, before he ever knew what was happening, “I’m going to cook up those pigs’ balls and feed them to you, before we castrate you and feed your own tanates to you, too!”
    All the blood left Tomas’s face.
    â€œNo man,” continued Salvador, “should have to eat his own balls before knowing if he likes balls cooked with salsa verde or salsa colorada !”
    Tomas screamed to the heavens, startling the two little pigs, as the Moreno boys tied him in a chair and then tied the chair to one of the horse stalls and jerked down his pants.
    Then when the first little pig was caught and his legs were held wide apart for his cutting, you couldn’t distinguish the screams of Tomas from the little pig’s SCREECHES!
    The first pair of balls were tossed in the frying pan of the little fire with salsa verde, because no matter how much Salvador kept asking Tomas which salsa he preferred to start with first, he couldn’t speak, he was screaming so much as Salvador shoved the first burning-hot pig’s ball down his throat, almost choking him to death!
    By the time Salvador and the two Moreno boys dropped Tomas back off in the barrio de Carlos Malo, he was no longer ever going to be a Doubting Thomas again for as long as he lived! He was a true believer now, for he’d seen el Diablo as sure as he breathed.
    Half crazy-loco out of his mind, that very night Tomas drove up to the City of the Angels, and with a gagging, burned mouth and throat, he told his two partners to never venture to the North County San Diego again, for the Devil lived!
    And the Devil’s name was Juan Salvador Villaseñor, and Archie, the law, was in full partnership with el Diablo, and my God, he prayed