Free House Infernal by Edward Lee by Edward Lee Page B

isn't exactly a confessional."
    "Venetia, I'm only suggesting that you live some of
your life first. You can be just as devoted a servant of God
without being a nun. I've seen it too many times. Girls go
to the convent full of idealism, then are miserable for the
prime of their lives. It doesn't do God any good. Things
are different now, and God knows that. Twenty-one is
way too young to even be thinking about stuff like that."
    "So that's it," she replied. "I'm a -kid? I'm not capable of
making a life decision?"
    "Don't be defensive." Again, he almost smiled. Almost.
"When you're a nun, they're going to send you to places
like Calcutta, Sao Paulo, Africa-"
    "And I'm ready. I don't think I'm being naive by wanting to serve God. Part of my job is getting my hands dirty."
    Driscoll nodded dismissively. He was looking down the
long, empty stair-hall when he answered, "Yeah, real dirty.
You'll be dealing with catastrophic human tragedy, Vene tia. You'll be dealing with HIV victims, the starving, the
abused, children with cancer, babies with tapeworms."

    "I'm ready," " she repeated.
    "You'll be dealing with people on the crap end of
life ... and the only reason I didn't say shit is ... well, I'm
a priest." He looked at her deadpan.
    Venetia laughed. She was figuring him out now. "You're
saying I have to live life before I can help others live
theirs?"
    "Exactly. Life and all its very human bells and whistles.
Humanity can be very grotesque at times. How can you
help an AIDS-infested Calcuttan prostitute when you've
never even experienced human sexual response yourself?"
    It was a good question, but she was baffled by what it
might be leading to. "Maybe I have, Father."
    "Oh, so you aren't a virgin ... ?"
    "I didn't say that-not exactly. But I don't know that it
matters. St. Augustine wasn't a virgin, either. Statistically,
most priests aren't-they had plenty of experience with
'human sexual response' before they made their vow of
celibacy."
    "I'm not arguing with you there."
    Her confusion now began to fascinate her. Is he telling
me I need to know what sex is like in order to become a fully
aware nun? "You have a way of evading your point, Father. If you want to give me clerical counsel ... then just
say it."
    "All right. Get involved with a guy. Have a boyfriend.
Date. Do like that, like everyone else your age. Know what
it's like to be in love-"
    "I-" she tried to jump in.
    "-and I don't mean just a love of God. Have some relationships. Be human. Know what it's like to have a relationship you're happy with, and know what it's like to
have a relationship that fails. It's all part of being human,
which is what you need to be before you go to Africa and
watch a hundred people die in a diphtheria outbreak."
    "I understand what you're saying, Father-at least I
think I do," she told him.

    "And no I'm not suggesting you go out and lose your
virginity just so you know what it's like."
    "Good," she said with a long sigh. "Because that's what
I thought you were saying." She blinked. "So ... what are
you saying?"
    .You can have a perfectly acceptable relationship in the
eyes of God, Venetia. You can date, you can be in love, et
cetera, with-how do I say this? Without having sex out
of wedlock."
    Now she wanted to laugh out loud. "Really? How?"
    'With ... difficulty."
    Finally he cracked a smile. "All I'm saying, Venetia, is
live some normal life before you become a bride of Christ,
all right? At least think about it."
    "I will," she said, unable to resist. She knew it was iffy
judgment but she sensed the unlikely conversation had
broken enough of formality's ice. "But what about you,
Father? Don't you have to live some normal life before you
can be a good priest?"
    "Hey, Igo to baseball games all the time."
    "Come on, seriously. Have you had all those things?
Before you joined up, were you ever in love? Have you
ever just dated a woman? Have you been in normal,
healthy relationships?"
    He