Free Luck of the Bodkins by P. G. Wodehouse Page A

of her than that. It fits her like the paper on the wall. She met me on deck just now, gave me a keen glance, diagnosed my complaint in an instant, and brought me down here and started in on me. I shall have to look in the mirror later to make sure that my head is still attached to the parent body, but apart from an uneasy suspicion that I've come in half I'm feeling better.'
    'Mr Tennyson -'
    'Mr Tennyson junior.'
    'Mr Tennyson junior had a hangover.'
    'He had. And may you never have one like it, sir - I don't know who you are or what you're doing in a private stateroom ...'
    This is my brother-in-law, Ivor Llewellyn.'
    'Ah, the magic lantern chap,' said Reggie agreeably. "How are you, Llewellyn? Pleased to meet you. I have heard of you from my brother Ambrose. He speaks very highly of you, Llewellyn, very highly.'
    The motion-picture magnate was not mollified by the courteous tribute. He eyed the young man sourly. 'I want to talk to you, Mabel.' 'All right. Shoot.' 'In private.'
    'Oh? Well, I shall be through in a moment.' She wrought forcefully upon Reggie's neck for a while, eliciting from him a plaintive 'Ouch I' 'Baby!' she said reprovingly.
    'It's all very well for you to say "Baby!"' said Reggie. 'You'll look silly if I come apart in your hands.' 'There. That ought to do. What's the verdict?' Reggie allowed his head to revolve slowly for a moment. 'Say "Boo!"' 'Boo!' 'Louder.' 'Boo!'
    'Now closer to the ear.' 'Boo!'
    Reggie rose and drew a deep breath. There was an awed expression on his face.
    'A miracle! That's all it is. Just a bally miracle. I feel a new man. ’
    'Good.'
    'And I should like to say that I consider it a privilege to meet a family like yours. I never in my puff encountered such a sweetness-and-light-scattering bunch. You, Miss -'
    'Spence is the name.'
    'You, Miss Spence, bring corpses to life. You, Llewellyn, place real money for the first time within the grasp of my brother Ambrose. This acquaintanceship must not be allowed to end here. I must see more of you, Miss Spence, and of you, Llewellyn. Golly,' said Reggie, 'if anybody had told me half an hour ago that I should be capable of looking forward to dinner tonight like a starving tapeworm, I wouldn't have believed him. Good-bye, Miss Spence, and you, Llewellyn, or rather au revoir, and thanks, thanks, Miss Spence, and you, Llewellyn. Thank you a thousand times. What's your first name?'
    ·Mabel. ’
    ·Right,' said Reggie.
    The door closed. Mabel Spence smiled. Mr Llewellyn did cot.
    'Well,' said Mabel, 'that's today's good deed done. I don't know where that boy picked up his jag, but he had certainly gone after it with both hands. You wouldn't think, to see him now, that he's probably quite good-looking. I've always admired that slim, long-legged type.'
    Mr Llewellyn was in no mood to give his attention to lectures on the personal appearance of Reggie Tennyson, and he had begun to indicate this by dancing about the state-room in a rather emotional manner, like a wounded duck,
    'Say, listen! Will you listen I'
    ·Well go on. What?'
    Do you know who's on board this boat?'
    Well, I'm pretty clear about Tennyson senior and Tennyson junior, and I met Lotus Blossom on the tender, but outside of that -'
    'Let me tell you who's on board this boat. That Cannes guy. The fellow on that hotel terrace at Cannes. The one who wanted to know how to spell "sciatica" ‘
    'Nonsense.'
    'Nonsense, eh? ’
    ·You've got that bozo on the brain. You're imagining it.'
    'Is that so? Well, get this. I was sitting in the library after I left you and he popped up from nowhere and breathed down the back of my neck. This time he wanted to know how to spell "inexplicable".'
    ·He did?'
    That's what he did. ’
    "Well, well, that boy's certainly attending to his education all right. He'll have quite a nice little vocabulary before he's through. Did you tell him?'
    Mr Llewellyn danced another step or two.
    'Of course I didn't tell him. How should I know how to spell