Free The Day of the Iguana by Henry Winkler Page A

tried to pull out the cable box so I could get a closer look. No sooner had I touched the box than a loud hissing filled the room. It was coming from my father’s boxers! I am not kidding. His underpants were hissing.
    A long gray tongue shot out from one of the leg holes of the boxers.
    â€œThey’re alive!” Ashley screamed.
    The tongue disappeared, then a snout came out, followed by a lizardy face.
    â€œKatherine!” I said. “What are you doing in there?”
    Katherine tossed the boxers off her head, and started pushing them under her body where the other soft objects were.
    I reached out for Katherine, and she hissed at me like I was her worst enemy.
    â€œWhat’s wrong with you?” I asked.
    â€œI’ll get Emily,” Ashley said. “She’ll know.”
    Ashley returned in a second with Emily.
    â€œClose the door so Dad won’t come in,” I told Emily.
    I was standing in front of the cable box. I didn’t want Emily to see what was going on until I could prepare her for the sight.
    â€œI have good news and bad news,” I said to Emily. “The good news is we found Katherine. The bad news is ... we found Katherine.”
    â€œLet me see her,” Emily demanded. I stepped aside. She looked at Katherine, who was sitting in the cable box on top of the pile of underwear, cotton balls, slippers, and toilet paper. Emily stared at Katherine for a long while, and I couldn’t tell if she was going to laugh or cry. Then she broke into a huge smile.
    â€œDo you know what this means?” she asked me.
    â€œYes,” I said. “Your lizard is having a nervous breakdown.”
    â€œKatherine is trying to tell us something,” Emily said.
    â€œWhat? That she wants to wear men’s underwear?”
    â€œNo, silly,” said Emily. “I think Katherine is building a nest. For her babies.”
    I thought for sure my head was going to blow right off.
    â€œOh no she isn’t! No babies. Not in my cable box!” I said, getting a little panicked.
    â€œHank, you’re going to be a big brother.” Emily was practically crying with joy. “And I’m going to be a big sister, aren’t I, Kathy?” She reached out to give Katherine a nuzzle. Katherine hissed and showed her teeth, which should teach Emily to never touch an iguana in underpants.
    â€œShe’s going to be such a good mama,” Emily said.
    â€œI want that lizard out of that box,” I said. “As a matter of fact, out of my room. Come on, Katherine. You’re going bye-bye.”
    I reached for Katherine. She was just going to have to find another place to be pregnant. But when my hand got close to her, she hissed at me louder than before. That iguana meant business.
    â€œShe can’t be moved,” said Emily. “She might even attack you.”
    â€œEmily’s right,” said Ashley. “I’ve read that you can never come between a mother and her babies.”
    â€œWell, everybody listen up,” I said. “I DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT want a baby iguana hatching in my room!”
    â€œYou’re not going to have one iguana,” said Robert. “Iguanas lay between eighteen and forty-five eggs at a time.”
    I thought my ears were playing tricks on me. “Robert. Are you telling me that Katherine could have forty-five baby iguanas tucked away in those underpants?” I asked.
    â€œYes,” said Robert.
    â€œIsn’t it a miracle?” said Emily.
    A miracle? Had she lost whatever little bit of a mind she once had?
    This was no miracle. This was a disaster.

CHAPTER 19
    LET’S ALL AGREE right now that I am a total knucklehead. I had caused a problem the size of Australia, and as far as I could see, there was no solution. I mean, how do you get a hissing, pregnant iguana out of your cable box?
    We sat in my room discussing the problem, and we all came up with the same answer. You cannot get a