Free No Rules by R. A. Spratt Page B

bag of toilet paper. ‘I want you all to sit in a circle. I’m going to hand around a roll of toilet paper and I want you each to take some.’
    â€˜You aren’t going to make us do something disgusting, are you?’ asked Mirabella.
    â€˜No, not unless you want to,’ said VP Pete, handing her a roll. ‘In which case, I will not project my values onto your actions to label them in any way.’
    The toilet paper made it around the room until everyone had a wad in their hand.
    â€˜Now,’ said VP Pete as he sat down in the circle,‘we are going to play a game. You have to tell the group a secret about yourself for each square of paper you have in your hand.’
    The people who had taken large wads of paper groaned.
    â€˜I’ll go first,’ said VP Pete. ‘My name is VP Pete and my secret is that I have an irresistible urge to eat cake. I just love it.’
    Friday snorted.
    â€˜Is there something you want to say, Miss Barnes?’ asked VP Pete.
    â€˜It’s not much of a secret, is it?’ said Friday.
    â€˜Friday,’ warned Melanie. ‘Careful.’
    â€˜No, this is a safe environment,’ said VP Pete with a smile. ‘Say what you want to say.’
    â€˜For a start, everyone likes cake,’ said Friday. ‘It’s like saying you like sunsets or rainbows. Then, obviously, you specifically really like cake because …’ Friday gestured towards VP Pete and then in a flash of insight realised she should not say what she was about to say so she fell silent.
    â€˜Because what?’ asked VP Pete. He was still smiling with his mouth, but his eyes had narrowed.
    â€˜I have nothing further to say on this subject,’ said Friday.
    â€˜Really?’ said VP Pete, tilting his head to one side. ‘I know you like observing things, so you didn’t want to observe that I was fat?’
    Friday shook her head and stared at the floor. She wanted to scream ‘Of course you’re fat! You must be at least twenty-five kilos over the healthy weight range!’ but she knew this would be considered impolite.
    â€˜All right,’ said VP Pete. ‘Let’s move on. Who wants to go first?’
    Now everyone was staring at the floor.
    â€˜Peregrine,’ snapped VP Pete. ‘You start us off. Tell us a secret about yourself.’
    Peregrine looked terrified. ‘Do I have to, sir?’
    â€˜Don’t call me “sir”. This school does not subscribe to those hierarchical titles anymore,’ said VP Pete. ‘You must call me VP Pete. You are to call all your teachers by their first names. It’s for your own good. Now, tell us a secret about yourself. This is a safe environment, so no one will judge you here.’
    â€˜Yes, si– Pete. Um …’ began Peregrine. ‘Once I was at the mini-market in town and I didn’t have any money, so I shoplifted a Milky Way bar.’
    VP Pete leapt to his feet. ‘You stole! You despicable boy! Go to the Headmaster’s office at once! This has to be reported to the police.’
    â€˜But you said this was a safe environment!’ protested Friday.
    â€˜Not for criminals!’ declared VP Pete, pointing at the doorway. ‘Get out of my sight, boy!’
    Peregrine got to his feet and ran, but when he got to the doorway he slammed into another boy trying to come in. They both fell over.
    â€˜What do you want?!’ yelled VP Pete at the hapless new arrival.
    â€˜There’s a phone call,’ said the boy.
    â€˜I can’t take it, I’m teaching a class,’ snapped VP Pete.
    â€˜Not for you, sir,’ said the boy. ‘It’s for Friday. An urgent matter.’
    â€˜She can’t take it, she’s in a class,’ yelled VP Pete.
    â€˜If I told you that I’d done lots of shoplifting as well, would you let me go and take the call?’ asked Friday.
    â€˜Just get