Free Addie on the Inside by James Howe Page B

begin to move, my knees begin
to dip, my thrift store skirt starts to swirl,
and this is when it happens so quietly I almost
miss it.
    My heart opens
    and the world comes rushing in.

I Am Who I Say I Am
    I am who I say I am,
I’m not some fantasy
of how you think you think you know me
or who I ought to be.
    I am a girl who is growing up
in my own sweet time,
I am a girl who knows enough
to know this life is mine.
    I am this and I am that and
I am everything in-between,
I’m a dreamer, I’m a dancer,
I’m a part-time drama queen.
    I’m a worrier, I’m a warrior,
I’m a loner and a friend,
I’m an outspoken defender
of justice to the end.
    I’m the girl in the mirror
who likes the girl she sees,
I’m the girl in the gypsy shawl
with music in her knees.
    I’m a singer and a scholar,
I’m a girl who has been kissed.
I’m a solver of equations
wearing bangles on my wrist.
    I am bigger than I ever knew,
I am stronger than before,
I am every girl I have ever been,
and all that are in store.
    I am who I say I am.
I’m not some fantasy.
I am the me I am inside.
I am who
    I choose
    to be.

Acknowledgments
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    In one way or another, many voices contributed to the making of this book.
    In poetry: Alan Shapiro and my fellow students in Alan’s poetry workshop at the Fine Arts Work Center, Provincetown, Massachusetts. In addition to these fine poets, I am indebted to the work of Billy Collins, Donald Hall, Marie Howe, Ted Kooser, Dorianne Laux, W. S. Merwin, Naomi Shihab Nye, Sharon Olds, Mary Oliver, and Linda Pastan.
    In song: Leonard Cohen, Ani DiFranco, Thea Gilmore, Patty Griffin, Janis Ian, Joni Mitchell, Tom Waits, Dar Williams, and Lucinda Williams.
    In inspiration: Maureen Ryan Griffin, friend and poet, for reigniting my love of poetry. Shari Conradson and her eighth-grade students in Sebastopol, California, for their many letters and insights over the years, with special thanks to Shari for her friendship and to Hannah Maschwitz, who wrote in a letter about
The Misfits
, “I love Addie’s character! She’s got a strong personality, but sometimes I think that the readers don’t actually know what her soft side is.” These words were the key that enabled me to open the door to this book after two years of trying.
    In Addie-tude: In addition to Shari: Cathryn Berger Kaye, C. J. Bott, Lucy Calkins, Lisa de Mauro, Lisa Duquette, Helise Harrington, Sue Hagadorn, Deborah Holmes, Mary Jane Karger, Connie Kirk, Lisa McGilloway, Jane Roberts, Janet Trumble, and Kate Walton.
    In support and friendship: My colleagues, friends, and family. There are too many individuals to mention without fear of leaving someone out, but I must acknowledge my special debt of gratitude to my very supportive family, Sy Bucholz, Dan Darigan, Arielle Ferrell,Donald Ferrell and Joanna Mintzer, Donald R. Gallo, Robin Jilton, Judy Leipzig and John Gallagher, Tom Owens and Diana Helmer, Richie Partington, Kristy Raffensberger, Richard and Roni Schotter, Ginee Seo, Melissa Whitcraft and Steven Mintz, and Richard Wilson.
    In words: John Cavallero, my fellow teachers, and the students in the Coming of Age classes I’ve taught at the First Unitarian Society of Westchester in Hastings-on-Hudson, New York. The openness with which the seventh- and eighth-graders in these classes talked about their lives had a direct impact on how I thought about Addie’s life. Also, the many readers of
The Misfits
and
Totally Joe
who have written to tell me their responses to those books and to share their stories.
    In action: Everyone at GLSEN and the many extraordinary educators, parents, and young people who have embraced
The Misfits
and
Totally Joe
and are devoted to ending name-calling, bullying, and homophobia in their schools and communities.
    In memory: My parents, Lee Arthur and Lonnelle Howe.
    In wisdom and patience: Amy Berkower, my agent and friend of many years; and the folks at Atheneum