Free Chasing Rainbows by Amber Moon Page B

levels, it could be superficial or go very deep.
    Love needed commitment, without which it could be termed infatuation.
    The love that was obsession could destroy the purity of what was and lead into disturbing behaviours and the person wanting to own the other, strangling their right to personal space. Infatuation does not last but obsession can go on forever if not dealt with.
    In his musings Doug came to understand why he never loved Mary and why for a time he thought he loved Gerry before it began to fade.
    It was about the needs met by the other person.
    Mary mothered him, therefore she was a mother figure.
    Gerry never said much at all unless it was to moan, so she was more of a habit and a 'non' figure, no longer meeting any of his needs.
    Defining love is difficult and a very personal experience. Falling in love might be easy but staying in love was hard.
    On many an occasion Doug felt that he was in love but it began to fade after the woman said something or did something that changed his feelings so quickly.
    He found that love did not conquer all. It disappeared as a rainbow fades in the sky until the next one appears. It was the rainbow that he was continually chasing but never catching.
    Love did not make allowances for flaws, or did it? Did a person have to tick all the boxes of perfection or was it reasonable to make compromises just for the sake of having someone in your life?
    People searched for love, yearned for it, compromised to get it, put up with things in order to have what they thought was love.
    You cannot have love , you cannot own it. Love comes and goes as it pleases, it is free.
    Doug knew that Olivia ticked all his boxes, his question was for how long?
    As Doug finished off the polishing he spoke aloud, “How do I know that I love you, brown eyes?”
    Not because he said it in the Italian restaurant; not because they had the best sex, ever; not because he felt a stirring in his loins every time he thought of her and not because she said she loved him.
    Doug's feelings were fluid, they ebbed and flowed like some tidal river.
    He felt that love was marked by happenings and occasions of great feeling, leaving footprints and memories on the heart, with sighs and smiles and longing for more. Love at its best is unconditional, it comes as a gift.
    It is that 'in the moment' feeling people hope will stay forever.
    During the summer months Doug would meet Olivia every Wednesday evening.
    He would leave his car parked behind the George and Dragon and Olivia would drive them to his boat on the river.
    They spent quality time there, doing what lovers do.
    One particular Wednesday, Doug played truant from work and they spent the whole afternoon and evening together.
    Olivia picked him up in her new car a white ford, the little blue love machine was no more.
    There was more room in the back of this one and the back seat had been christened on more than one occasion, as physical need for each other would overwhelm them and get the better of them.
    That day was one of the hottest days of the summer.
    Olivia had her hair clipped back off her face, the blond curls hanging down her back just waiting for Doug to run his fingers through them.
    Her blue cropped vest complimented the magnificent cleavage of her breasts, that were straining to burst out of a perfectly fitting bra.
    Olivia always wore beautiful undergarments, they were always coordinated and complimented her delightful body. She wore boxer knickers that contradicted the phrase, less is more. In this case it was reversed to 'more is less'.
    Doug thought about Mary and the way she let herself go after having the children. Now she wore 'Bridget Jones' knickers for comfort and was in her element playing mother to them all.
    Mary had no further use for Doug apart from his role as provider and taxi driver. Mary was very different to Gerry in the underwear department.
    Gerry wore thongs. Little straps of colour that left little to the imagination and were