Free Choke by Diana Lopez Page B

go.”
    Just then, we heard someone come into the restroom, and Nina made the sign for keeping quiet. The interruptiongave me time to think about what it meant to be a breath sister, to become one, which made me think about the way blood brothers would take a knife, slash their palms, and shake hands. That had to hurt, not to mention all the germs. At least you didn’t bleed when you played the choking game. So how bad could it be? And if other girls were doing it, then it must be okay. Plus, it gave you a really special friend, an in-crowd friend.
    As soon as the lady washed her hands and left, Nina said, “You don’t have to play if you don’t want to, but it’s the only way we can be official breath sisters.”
    I felt scared, but even though I knew I might get hurt, a sense of adventure kept me going. “I know,” I said. “I thought about it. And I’m ready.”
    She smiled. “Just remember, you can tap out whenever you want.”
    â€œOkay,” I said.
    Nina approached me, and I felt a little sick — like before a presentation in speech class. But I really wanted to do this, so I took a deep breath and nodded to give her the okay. She pressed her hands on both sides of my neck and started to squeeze. Just a little at first, but when I didn’t stop her, she squeezed tighter. I smelled the perfume on her wrists again, but since it’d been there for a while, it seemed sournow. Then I felt her breath, a light breeze, and I liked it, liked being close to her even if it meant playing this weird game. Then she squeezed my neck even tighter. It didn’t hurt but I felt pressure in my head like when I used to hang upside down on the monkey bars too long. Then the pressure started to balloon, especially behind my eyes. Was my head going to explode? Because that was how it felt. I started to panic. Let go! I tried to say. But I couldn’t because my voice was choked off, too. Then a bunch of green dots appeared. I knew I’d faint if I didn’t tap out. So I slapped at Nina’s forearms, and immediately, she let go — just like she promised.
    I gasped and waved her off.
    â€œYou did great,” Nina said. “Maybe next time you’ll go all the way.”
    I couldn’t speak yet, so I gave her a questioning look because I wanted to know what “all the way” meant.
    â€œYou’re supposed to pass out,” she said. “That’s how you get the rush.”
    â€œWhat rush?” I managed.
    â€œThat high, floaty feeling. That’s why people play this game.”
    I rubbed my neck. I could still feel the heat and pressure from her hands.
    â€œStay here,” she said. “I saw a vending machine outside. I’ll go get you some water.”
    I could have waited in the parlor, but I was too afraid to leave the stall. People would see me, and they’d know what I’d been up to. I took out the compact Nina bought me and looked in the mirror. My neck was red, but already, the redness was going away. After a few more minutes, I could hide my act from the world and erase every trace of the choking game.
    The only thing I could not erase was how I felt. As soon as I left the restroom stall, I’d be leaving a version of myself behind — because — because I was different now. I’d changed, like the way I’d changed after my first day in kindergarten or after Cyclone, my first cat, died. The way I imagined I’d change if I ever got to kiss Ronnie or drive a car. I felt smarter now, more grown-up.
    Finally, Nina returned with a bottle of water. She even opened it for me. I nearly drank the whole thing.
    â€œAre you okay?” she asked.
    â€œSure,” I said, wishing I sounded more confident.
    We left the restroom. Nina carried my purse and the bag of new makeup. I felt so confused. I really wanted to be Nina’s friend. I didn’t like the choking game, but everything else we