Free Pure Spring by Brian Doyle Page B

— people throwing dishes and slapping wives across the face.
    It’s impossible to try and tell Gerty now.

12
This Time
    T HE RAT HOLE theater on Bank Street is really the Rialto but everybody calls it the Rat Hole because they say that when you sit there in the dark you can feel the rats jumping around your ankles fighting for the popcorn and candy on the floor down there.
    It’s not like the Capitol at all. There are maybe two steps up from the lobby, there are no rugs, no thick curtains. There are maybe two angels playing harps on the walls. The place smells of stinky feet, BO, perfume and popcorn.
    Grampa Rip’s friend Kelly O’Kelly is taking the tickets. Like Grampa Rip told me to do, I tell Kelly O’Kelly that Grampa Rip says hello and right away O’Kelly gives us back our tickets.
    â€œGo right in,” he says. “Save your tickets for next time you come.”
    Gerty likes going to the show with me even though that’s two nights in a row now.
    This is the Marx Brothers night. There are three Marx Brothers movies on:
A Night at the Opera
,
A Day at the Races
and
Horse Feathers
.
    A Night at the Opera
is very funny.
    Groucho, Chico and Harpo and about fifteen other people are all crammed into a small bedroom on board a ship. Groucho has a date with the fat lady he’s always insulting named Mrs. Claypool.
    When she knocks on the door, Groucho, who is playing a crooked businessman named Otis B. Driftwood, says, “Come in!”
    She opens the door and everybody falls out of the room on top of her.
    I decide, because everybody’s in such a good mood, to tell her.
    At the end of the movie a whole lot of cops are chasing Groucho, Chico and Harpo during the performance of an opera. Of course, the opera is ruined and all the people at the Rat Hole are laughing their heads off while the opera singers are trying to sing and the sets come crashing down around them.
    The next movie will be on in a minute and I ask Gerty if she wants to come out to the lobby with me to get some popcorn.
    While we’re walking up the aisle I start talking about Randy and how he has all of these schemes for stealing from our customers.
    The more I tell her, the more confused her face gets.
    Now we’re leaving the show.
    Now we’re on the street.
    Now we’re on the streetcar.
    I’m telling Gerty more about Randy now and how he steals. I can’t help it. I’m getting closer. I tell about the scheme at Persephone’s to get the guy to pay for more cases than he actually got. I tell that Randy has many schemes for many different stores.
    Gerty has a storm coming over her face.
    â€œMany stores?”
    â€œYes. Many. Many stores.”
    The streetcar conductor is banging his foot on the bell trying to get rid of a kid on a bicycle who’s hitching a ride hanging on to the open back window.
    â€œDid he steal from our store?”
    The bell stops. The streetcar moves.
    â€œYes.”
    â€œDid you help him?”
    â€œYes. I did. I helped him.”
    Now, tears.
    â€œYou’re not a thief. I know you. You’re not a thief! Martin! Tell me you’re not.”
    â€œI was. I
did
help. But he made me. I’d be fired if I didn’t. No. It’s not like that. You were our first store. It was after that I stole. When I was in your cellar I didn’t realize what I was doing until it was over. Then I saw you.”
    â€œYou’re not a crooked stealing thief person. I know you!” says Gerty.
    â€œHow do you know me? You don’t know anything about me.”
    â€œCan you get back what he made you steal? My grampa’s losing money in the store.”
    â€œMaybe. I have a kind of plan.”
    â€œA kind of plan?”
    â€œYes. An almost plan.”
    â€œWhen you have that plan, Martin O’Boy, come and see me and tell me what it is.”
    She kisses me light on the cheek, her fingers on my shoulder, her lips brushing right