Free The Last Road Home by Danny Johnson Page B

saying, “Tomorrow your package will be better.” Some days seemed too hard to be a man. Every bite of the pork wanted to stick in my throat.
    After supper, I emptied the vat and made sure any hot coals were snuffed. Bumpy’s squealing was still in my head. By the time I got the scalding-vat stored in the barn, wet snow began to fall, big flakes, like dogwood petals floating out of the sky. It was coming down heavy, and I lifted my head to catch pieces in my mouth.
    Grandma and me sat on the porch and watched the fields and yard turn from brown to white. Not a bird, not a cricket made a sound. The snow slowly smothered the world in quiet. “The Lord sure has blessed us with a pretty sight,” Grandma said. She had a smile on her face, and her gray head nodded like she might be listening to something. She looked as peaceful as the snow.
    â€œGrandma, do you think everything that happens is God’s Will? ”
    She gave me a surprised look. “Why, Junebug, what in the world brought that up?”
    â€œJust thinking about what Granddaddy told me after Momma and Daddy died; he thought it must be God’s plan. But if that’s true, and everything is already decided, why should a person worry about right or wrong, what’s the difference if we cuss or steal or even kill somebody? If it’s all God’s Will, seems don’t none of them things matter.”
    She studied her hands, rubbing them together. “First of all, understand you’re at the age when you begin to question things you’ve always been taught, and that’s natural. Here’s the way I think about it: When we’re born God has a path for us, and, if we obey and live by His Word, we’ll find the peace He promised. That’s God’s Will . But each person has his or her own free will. Some people choose to follow another way and give in to sin and temptation, or they’re driven by anger or jealousy and have the idea God has abandoned them. In the Bible, Paul says I can will what is right, but I cannot do it . He’s teaching that we’re all weak, and the struggle against sin and evil is forever. When somebody says it was God’s Will, they really mean they hope the person has lived in a way that God will give him the promised peace.”
    It was a lot to take in. I wondered if having sexual thoughts about Fancy was sinful, because I knew for sure it was temptation. Grandma and I watched the snow until it got too dark to see. Before going inside, I stepped outside to the ground and looked up. “Bumpy, you check around for Granddaddy up there, he’ll help you along.”
    When I went to bed, I tried to push the battle between doubt and trust from my mind, but couldn’t.

C HAPTER 11
    B y Friday the snow had mostly melted, leaving frozen piles here and there in the early morning cold. Saturday night, despite the weather, I went to the clearing on the chance Fancy would come. Snow patches in the woods caught light from a clear sky, and I could spot deer tracks in places.
    She was already there, munching from a paper sack of pork cracklings. “Hey, Junebug.”
    â€œWhere’d you get the rinds?”
    She stuffed more in. “Mrs. Wilson made ’em.”
    I took a handful. “How does she fix them?”
    â€œCuts up hog skins, boils to get the fat off, and deep fries them crispy. I helped her, ain’t that hard.”
    â€œWhat else you been doing?”
    â€œNothing. Too cold and messy to ride my bike, but when it warms up I’m going to come visit and see what you think.”
    â€œI never rode one.”
    â€œYou thought anymore about us kissing?” She brought it up right out of the blue.
    â€œSome.” What a lie—I’d ended up with sticky underwear more than once.
    â€œI don’t think we should do it anymore for a while. Lightning used to say when his jisim backed up, it would make his balls hurt something