Free Salt Water by Charles Simmons Page A

and invitedherself over. Hillyer called Rita and told her to cancel the friend.
    Hillyer was dancing with Rita in the living room. I was surprised at how slight she was. She waved at me and said hi, and they went on dancing.
    Melissa and I began to dance. I couldn’t help thinking how much better Rita, small, would fit with me, and Melissa, big, with Hillyer. We must have looked like comedy couples. Melissa smelled good, the way she had after the party. We danced out of the living room, down to the end of the hall, and into a bedroom. I didn’t even know whose it was. We closed the door and lay down on the bed. We did it twice. In between, Melissa told me her father had a drinking problem. He didn’t sleep well, and he had veins in his nose. She said she had gone to the movies with Ari and asked if I minded. I didn’t care, but I said it was okay as long as nothing happened. She said it hadn’t and it wouldn’t. I felt like telling her to go ahead and enjoy herself, the way Zina had told
me,
but it would have been impolite.
    Melissa had soft, smooth skin and didn’t seem so big lying beside me. She sang Beatles songs to me in her pretty voice, and I felt a genuine kind of affection for her. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t upset. Even if the pact I had with Zina was only in my head, hadn’t I broken it? Then I realized I had done exactly what Zina said I should do. I was obeying her.
    I lay on my stomach, facing away. Melissa’s head was pressed against my shoulder, her arm across my back. I tried to imagine she was Zina, but it didn’t work. Melissa was quiet and content. I think Zina would have been walking up and down, talking. Then I tried to imagine Zina where she really was at that moment. I saw her sitting at a table. I couldn’t see whom she was with—it was like a dream that tells you only certain things—but I could see her brown eyes and carved lips. I tried to hear what she was saying, but all that came through were things that she had already said to me. Then I fell asleep. Melissa woke me. She had to leave. I was pleased that I didn’t resent her. I even felt a sense of responsibility for her. Again I was obeying Zina.
    There was no sign of Rita and Hillyer. I left the outside door ajar, and we walked to Melissa’s place. We went out of our way so we could walk along the water. The night was clear and dry, and the temperature absolutely perfect. You would be comfortable clothed or naked. The moon was thin and bright. We walked arm in arm, and every now and then Melissa pressed her breast against my arm.
    “You know,” she said, “I don’t mind if you don’t love me.”
    I said nothing.
    “I care, but I don’t mind.”
    “Do you have to love someone to go to bed with them?”
    “I do, but you don’t. Is that all right, Michael?”
    “Would it be better if the other person was in love?”
    “Of course.”
    “What’s the difference if they love you back or not?”
    “If they love you back they won’t go away.”

11
Protect Me
    NEXT MORNING HILLYER was heating water in the kitchen and scratching his stomach with both hands.
    “You two sure disappeared,” he said. “Rita was shocked.”
    “I liked her.”
    “How do you know? It was hello and good night. How did it go?”
    “It was okay.”
    “As good as that,” he said, then deepening his voice, “We, on the other hand, did outrageously well.”
    “When Melissa and I left were you here?”
    “I heard you go. In fact, I was in situ at the very moment. … There’s no food in this house.”
    We agreed to have breakfast at my place. “But I have to call first. My father might be there.”
    “Your father is the best.”
    Hillyer felt so rotten about his parents breaking up I thought I’d let him know that things weren’t necessarily perfect everywhere else. “Actually,” I said, “I have to call because he might be in situ himself.”
    “I didn’t know he situed around.”
    “Yep.”
    “Well, at least he still