Free Finding Divine by Eve Vaughn Page B

cheeks. “Simon, I’m sure you’ve been with women far more experienced than me.”
    “Yes, but they weren’t you. I wouldn’t trade one of you for a dozen of them. None of those other women mattered to me. Jessica, I meant what I said before. I know we’ve gotten things a bit backward, but I don’t want this to be just a sex thing between us. I want to get to have a relationship with you.”
    “You mean like boyfriend and girlfriend?”
    “Yes. After what happened just now, I don’t want you to be with anyone else. I’m thirty years old and I’m past my ‘playing the field’ years. I don’t know where this is headed, but I’d like to find out.”
    Tears sprang to her eyes. She was speechless.
    He scrunched his face in concern. “Jessica, what is it? Did I say something wrong?”
    She sniffed and quickly swiped away a tear. “No. I’m just being a big baby. These are happy tears. I never expected things to turn out like this and it makes me feel good, but it frightens me, too.”
    He took her hand in his and brushed his lips against her knuckles. “Why are you scared, baby?”
    She liked the way he so easily called her “baby”. No man had ever used a pet name with her before. “It’s kind of hard to put into words.”
    “Try me.” He kissed the back of her hand again.
    “I’ve always been careful letting anyone else in my life. I’ve always been a bit introverted even when my brother was still alive, but I kind of shut myself off from making connections with other people because I’d lost my faith in humanity. And also because I was scared people wouldn’t accept me with all my neuroses. But you’re different. I’m not prone to rash decisions, but you and I just feel right.”
    He stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. “Then what’s the problem?”
    “I’m scared something will happen to ruin this. Maybe you’ll get tired of me, or maybe I’ll get hit by a bus tomorrow, because for once, I’m happy and I haven’t felt this way in a long time.”
    Simon brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes. “Jessica, life is not a guaranteed thing, which is why you have to live it to the fullest. I learned that lesson a long time ago. I’m no stranger to tragedy.”
    Her curiosity was peaked. “What happened?”
    His lips tightened and face closed. “Jessica, do you trust me?”
    “That didn’t answer my question.”
    “I know it didn’t, but do you trust me?”
    She searched her heart, and then looked into his earnest expression. “Yes.”
    “Good. I’m not ready to share that part of me yet, just as you have trouble talking about your brother. As our relationship strengthens, I know we’ll both get to a point where we can be open and frank about our pasts, but until then, it’s hard for me to talk about.”
    She wondered what he was hiding but decided not to press the issue, after all he did have a point. There were still things she wasn’t ready to share with him either, so she’d have to be patient. “I understand, but I hope we can get to the point where we can be more open with each other. It’s not that I don’t want to share things with you, but like you said, it’s hard. I’ve never really opened up to anyone about my feelings besides the therapist I see occasionally, and even with her, I have kept things to myself. I don’t even talk about it with my parents.”
    Simon nodded. “I hope for that, too, and when you’re ready to tell me I will be here for you, just as I hope you’ll be here for me when I’m ready.”
    “Of course.” She gave him kiss on his collarbone. “Simon, this is all so surreal. I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
    “Never? Not even that guy you were seeing?”
    “No, we were just casually dating. We never had an official title to what we were. Are you okay with being my first?”
    “Thrilled.” He hugged her close.
    She didn’t want to ruin the mood but she felt it was fair to bring up her anxiety issues. “Are you going