Free Friends and Lovers by Eric Jerome Dickey Page B

for me?”
    “I might be able to snag some ancient 386s from surplus.IBM compatible at best. That’s not guaranteed. Dan L. Steel would rather donate to Beverly Hills than to a South Central program.”
    “Tell your boss if the kids are busy in the center all day learning how to work a computer and get a job, then they won’t be breaking into his mansion, stealing recipes for quiche.”
    “I’ll put that in a memo first thing Monday.”
    Leonard asked, “How’s your mom?”
    “She’s dating a brother from her church. Met him at singles’ bible study. He’s forty-three. Ten years younger than she is. Mom’s got it going on in Chicago. Getting her groove back.”
    I didn’t mention anything about Daddy and his new bimbo wife. Leonard didn’t talk about his mom and step-dad. Some things went without saying.
    He asked, “Whose picture is this? The beat-up snapshot of the two bowlegged brothers with the dimples and processed hair?”
    “My granddaddy and his twin sister.”
    “Her hair is short.”
    “That’s back in the forties when they were in a jazz or blues band or something. Her hair is pulled back on her neck. She had on pants, so that was a real big deal. She was before her time.”
    “Look almost like you and Mye. Dents in the face and crooked legs. Damn birth defects.”
    I’ve never thought Leonard was super funny, just crazy and stupid. Playful, and he knew enough “yo’ momma” jokes to keep him in detention back in high school. We’ve known each other for what seems like all our lives. Everybody else sees him as the comic or actor or whatever he’s doing at the moment. To me he’s the brother who grew up as a snotty-nose roughneck and kept bugging my daddy to let him work for some pocket change, and asked me to help him with calculus in our senior year.
    Leonard was talking about the girl he met. If she was as fine as he claimed, her buddy had to be Quasimodowith a ‘fro. Fine sisters always traveled with butt-ugly ones so there wouldn’t be any competition.
    I said, “What’s wrong with her friend?”
    “Attitude.”
    “Major?”
    “Like a pit bull with cramps.”
    “And you want me to run interference?”
    “Like a big dawg. If they show up.”
    “If?”
    “You know how flaky sisters are. They get a brother’s phone number, then play the wait-three-days-before-you-call game.”
    “Say no more. Ever since that stupid rule book came out.”
    “Sisters don’t need rules. They got voodoo. They’ll sprinkle something in your food to make brothers follow them around. How you think ugly sisters get good-looking men—voodoo.”
    I laughed. I said, “What’s this Debra talking about?”
    “I’ve been ringing her phone off the hook, and she just called this morning. After we had positive conversation, talked half the night when we met. Now she’s in the ‘maybe’ zone.”
    At first I put on my usual after-work dress—jeans and leather boots—but Leonard had on earth-tone slacks, collarless shirt, and a vest, smelling like the cologne counter at Macy’s. I felt obligated to suit up—basic tan slacks, olive three-button jacket, tan collarless shirt. I was in the bedroom wiping down my shoes when I heard him jump off my leather sofa.
    He said, “Ty, you’re slower than any sister I’ve dated.”
    “And I look better too.”
    Sounded like he was gobbling up all of the jelly beans in the glass jar on the coffee table facing the entertainment center. My refrigerator door opened. Heard him put my glass juice holder on top of the glass table hard enough to crack one of them.
    I yelled, “Take it easy with my stuff, fool.”
    “Told you about shopping at the swap meet, fool.”
    “What this girl do for a living?”
    “The one you’re in charge of is an airline stewardess.”
    “You mean flight attendant.”
    “Yeah, right. I meant flight attendant,” Leonard said. “Quick, pencil, and paper! I just thought of a joke.”
    The women were supposed to meet us at The