Free Meridian Days by Eric Brown Page A

"If I remember rightly, I did all the talking yesterday. Now it's your turn. I asked Tamara about you today. She knows all about everyone on Meridian. She told me that you came here after a smallship accident. Is that right?"
    "How much did she tell you?"
    She seemed to flinch at my tone. Her smile faltered. "Only that much. She said you'd survived an accident, then retired. That's all."
    "I'm sorry. It's something I don't usually talk about." I shrugged. "That's about all there is to tell. I survived a freak accident and decided to get out. You don't often survive accidents like that. I was lucky. I didn't want to push that luck."
    I prayed, then, that she would not ask me why I took frost. I had lied to her once today and did not want to do so again. She was so ingenuous and believing that to lie to her was like committing physical violence.
    We sat on a bench overlooking the sea, watching as a flight of pterosaurs made for Brightside. A warm breeze lapped around the island.
    "Did you bring the frost?" she asked in a small voice.
    I answered her with a question of my own. "Why do you need it, Fire?"
    She frowned at me. Her blonde fringe made her look very young. "Like I told you yesterday — I want to escape."
    "You've had a hell of a past. What do you want to remember?"
    She looked hurt. "Oh, there were some good times, too," she reassured me. "It wasn't all bad." She regarded me, her smile fixed with apprehension lest I deny her the drug I had promised.
    "Look," I said, avoiding her eyes, "I know about Jade."
    She flashed me a look. "How did you find out? Who told you?"
    "Doug Foulds happened to mention it earlier today."
    She turned away, shrugged her shoulders. "So... What about it?"
    "So, it was the most traumatic event in your past. It'd be dangerous to relive a time when Jade was alive. You might easily find yourself reliving the tragedy by mistake—"
    She just looked at me, with an earnestness I found disconcerting. "But that's exactly what I want to do, Mr Benedict! I want to live through the accident again."
    I stared at her, hardly able to believe that someone so innocent might harbour such macabre desires. "The trauma would be more than you could take. Do you realise that it's not just like a vivid memory? You'd actually be there, experiencing the reality of the accident." I stared at her, shook my head. "Why on earth would you want to put yourself through that all over again?"
    She remained silent for a while, staring at her fingers. She looked up. "I know it might seem strange to you, Mr Benedict. But, you see, I have no memory of the accident." She glanced at me, a look of pleading in her eyes. "The incident is one big blank, a gap. I don't think you understand what it's like. I loved Jade; she was the only person ever to show me any affection. And then she was gone. I want to know the truth of what happened. However terrible her death was, it can't be as bad as the nightmares I've had about it."
    "If you relive the accident through frost, you might not be able to stand the shock. Why do you think you blanked it out in the first place?"
    She pushed both hands through her hair in a desperate gesture and left them there. "I don't know! Maybe I couldn't handle it then. But it isn't safe to keep things repressed. I'm stronger now. I need to know."
    She drew her knees to her chest and hugged her legs, her eyes closed. I wanted to make some gesture of sympathy or affection, but found myself unable to do so.
    "Have you ever spoken about the accident to anyone?" I asked.
    She shook her head. She had opened her eyes and was staring out to sea. "How could I? I can't remember anything."
    "Perhaps it might be safer if you talked about Jade with me — that might unlock memories." I hesitated. "Have you any idea where the accident happened?"
    She remained silent for a long time, staring stubbornly straight ahead. "I don't know. That is, I'm not sure. I think I know, but I've never been told. It's just a feeling I