Free The Book of Even More Awesome by Neil Pasricha Page B

pair on the way home.
    The worst part isn’t the balcony floor, though. It’s the table and chairs. They get slimed too but are harder to cover up. I can’t just say, “Oh, before you sit down, grab a plastic bag from under the sink and tuck it into your jeans. Thanks!”
    No, I can’t do that, I won’t do that, I don’t do that . Instead, I grab a hunk of wet paper towels and slide them all over the chairs and tables while my guests watch with jaw-dropping disgust. The thick mat quickly turns the blackest black you’ve ever seen and I sort of smile and wave it in their face before going inside to throw it out.
    And ... you know why I smile? You know why I wave it in their face? Besides the fact that I’m not a very nice person, I mean. Well, I’ll tell you why: because I’m proud of how much dirt came off. To me it’s a sense of accomplishment. It’s the same as showing your sister that floor cloth with every square molecule covered in dust and cat hair. It’s the awe with which you stare at the McDonald’s napkin that just swabbed all that wet, yellowy grease off your forehead. It’s the sensation of looking at the disgustingly dirty tissue after wiping down your TV screen for the first time in a year.
    Looking at how much dirt came off something you just cleaned causes some big swelling feelings to swish together inside you. It’s accomplishment, it’s cleanliness, and most of all it’s “I’m glad I’m not sitting in that.”
    AWESOME!

Changing the channel during a commercial break and then flipping back just as the show’s coming back on
    It’s even better if you accomplished something small while the commercials were running, like making some cheese and crackers, throwing laundry in the dryer , or putting the kids to bed.
    You played a risky game, friend.
    But you made it.
    AWESOME!

When you meet up with a group of friends and they stop talking to celebrate your arrival
    Sometimes you’re late for the date.
    Stepping into the dark restaurant, shaking off your umbrella, squeezing past the bar, you don’t know what you’re gonna get: Who’s gonna be here? Have they already ordered? Will there even be a chair?
    If you’re like me, baby butterflies flutter in your stomach when you stumble into Tonight’s Social Scene for the first time. Brushing rain off your eyebrows, unzipping your jacket, you smile nervously as you spot your friends and walk over to their crowded table in the back.
    And if your entrance is marked by heads turning, forks dropping, fists raising, and loud cheers, it means you’re hanging with a great group. So smile and accept their little Welcome Package of hugs and high fives.
    It’s gonna be a great night.
    AWESOME!

Typing in your username and password at the speed of light
    Put your hand up if you type slow.
    Yes, if you’re a clickity-clackity finger-punching purist whose chubby fingers stab at the keyboard with the rhythm and grace of a tiny bird picking pebbles at the park, then you’re not alone.
    Stumbling over emails, bumbling over book reports, you touch-type with a finger-bouncing pace that backspaces a bunch, slows down in a crunch, and gets twisted and snarled on big-word speed bumps.
    Thank goodness you’ve got your username and password for some speed-of-lightning superfast quick typing.
    Yes, when you log on to your computer or email account, your fingers suddenly take on a life of their own. They become possessed and you barely recognize them as they zip-zoom across the keys in a windy blur like The Flash.
    Sometimes you really don’t even know your password because your brain has outsourced all memory of it to your fingers which somehow always manage to come up with it right when you need it most.
    AWESOME!

Finding hidden compartments in things you already own
    My friend Rob welcomes visitors to his swanky apartment by flash-bulbing them